Have you ever laid in bed at the end of a long day and just reflected? Have you ever experienced feelings of remorse or regret for something you wish had never happened, feelings of guilt for a temptation you succumbed to or intentionally chose, feelings of confusion, sorrow, or rage because of someone else's actions, or feelings of hopelessness for dreams that have shattered or loved ones you've lost?
After a time you may fall asleep, but in the morning the weight is still there, heavy on your heart. You try to smile and face the day, slowly putting one foot in front of the other. You struggle day after day searching for a brief moment of relief from the weight in your chest or the memories you wish you could undo. Where can you turn to feel the hope and peace that have long since disappeared?
Throughout my life I have had many experiences where I have felt lost and had difficulties and struggles that no one had any idea I was going through. At times I felt like I had hit rock bottom and the heavens were closed. There are other times when I have done things I knew would drive away the spirit, but did them anyway. All of us have regrets, sorrow, and heartaches that we wish we could change.
But, as we all know, sometimes when we are in the middle of our trials we can lose sight of hope and the promise of good things to come. Life is not fair, and it is hard. Bad things happen to good people. We all make mistakes, sometimes the same mistakes over and over again. Where do we turn for answers? For hope? For peace when we are struggling just to make it through the end of the day, or even the hour?
Several years ago I was sitting on my bed. It was 10:00 in the morning and I was pretty much worn out, tired, and exhausted. I had no idea how I was going to make it through the rest of the day. I pulled out my scriptures and read in 2 Nephi,
“For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do" (2 Nephi 25:23).
My heart ached and I wanted to cry. “All we can do” seemed like such a burden. I turned to my Father in Heaven in prayer and said, “What if I’ve done all I can do for today?”
As I waited, a peaceful feeling came over me. I knew He understood my capacity and limitations and that He understood that I really had done all I could that day.
Joseph Smith taught,
“Our Father in heaven is more boundless in his mercies and blessings, than we are ready to believe or receive” (Joseph Smith, History, 1838–1856, volume D-1 [1 August 1842–1 July 1843]).
He loves us, in spite of our weaknesses and shortcomings. He has known us, His spirit children, for millions and millions of years. He knows what He is doing. He is not a junior God. He has created “worlds without number” and this world we live on is merely one of so many.
He has been where we are. He knows how hard life can be. He also knows what it will take to make it back to Him.
In Jesus the Christ we read,
“The Eternal Father well understood the diverse natures and varied capacities of His spirit-offspring; and His infinite foreknowledge made plain to Him, even in the beginning, that in the school of life some of His children would succeed and others would fail; some would be faithful, others false; some would choose the good, others the evil; some would seek the way of life while others would elect to follow the road to destruction. He further foresaw that death would enter the world, and that the possession of bodies by His children would be of but brief individual duration. He saw that His commandments would be disobeyed and His law violated; and that men, shut out from His presence and left to themselves, would sink rather than rise, would retrogress rather than advance, and would be lost to the heavens” (James E. Talmage, Jesus the Christ, Deseret Book Company, 1990).
Our Father in Heaven knew we would make wrong choices and that is precisely why we are here! Life is about making mistakes, big and small. It is not about doing everything perfectly. We came to earth to learn by our own experience, to see what kind of choices we will make, and ultimately to find out what kind of person we want to be.
President Dallin H. Oaks taught,
“The revealed doctrine of the restored Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints teaches that all the children of God—with exceptions too limited to consider here—will ultimately inherit one of three kingdoms of glory, even the least of which 'surpasses all understanding.' After a period [of time] all will be resurrected and proceed to the Final Judgment of the Lord Jesus Christ. There, our loving Savior,…will send all the children of God to one of these kingdoms of glory according to the desires manifested through their choices” (Dallin H. Oaks, "Kingdoms of Glory", General Conference, October 2023).
The plan of our Heavenly Father was based on agency, the ability to choose. In the pre-mortal world we had agency. The war in heaven started because “Satan rebelled against [God], and sought to destroy the agency of man.”
I love the perspective that Elder D. Todd Christofferson gives about this. He said,
“This was not simply a case of Jesus supporting the Father’s plan and Lucifer proposing a slight modification. Lucifer’s proposal would have destroyed the plan by eliminating our opportunity to act independently. Lucifer’s plan was founded on coercion, making all the other sons and daughters of God—all of us—essentially his puppets….
“And let us remember, Satan was not volunteering to be our savior. He was not interested in suffering or dying for anyone. He wasn’t going to shed any of his blood. He wanted the glory, honor, and power of God without paying any price.…Lucifer was seeking for power without goodness. He supposed that he could be a law unto himself, meaning that the law would be whatever he said it was at any given moment and that he could change his mind at any time. In that way, no one could count on anything, and no one would have the ability to be an independent actor. He would be supreme, and no one else could advance” (D. Todd Christofferson, "A Message at Christmas", BYU Speeches, Dec 12, 2017).
The plan of our Heavenly Father was that Jesus would come down to earth and offer His life as a sacrifice for the demands of justice. Elder Bruce R. McConkie explained, “our Lord voluntarily abased himself, or, rather, emptied himself of all his divine power, or enfeebled himself by relying upon his humanity and not his Godhood, so as to be as other men and thus be tested to the full by all the trials and torments of the flesh” (Tad R. Callister, “The Infinite Atonement”, Deseret Book Publishing, 2000, p 119).
The price that was paid for us to have agency, the ability to make our own choices, cost the life of His beloved Son and one-third part of all of our Father in Heaven’s spirit children. We had agency before we came to this earth, and it was so important that He allowed our spirit brothers and sisters the to use their agency to make that choice, knowing full well the eternal consequences of their decision.
Sometimes I have wondered why that third part was willing to follow Lucifer when they understood the eternal result of their choices. In response, Elder Robert D. Hales asks us an interesting question, “Do we ever do things that aren’t good for us, knowing full well what the consequences will be?”
In Matthew 25 the Savior teaches the parable of the talents.
A man traveling to a far country called his servants together, “And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability;” and then he left. To clarify, in this context, "several" is an archaic term that means "individual" or "distinct." It doesn’t mean multiple abilities but instead emphasizes that each person has their own unique ability (Explanation from Duck.AI).
The one with five talents made five more and the one with two made two more. The servant who was given one talent hid it until the master returned. The first two servants were rewarded for their efforts and the last servant was chastised for not even trying.
The Lord expects from each of us according to our individual and unique abilities. The Lord wants us to try with what we have (even on those days where all we can do is get out of bed), and to keep moving forward, which can be especially challenging on the hard days.
There may be some days where you feel like the widow of Zarephath who had done all she could do, and had nothing more to give. She was living during a famine and was using the last of her food to make a meal for herself and her son and then was planning to slowly die of starvation. In this crucial situation the prophet Elijah came and asked her to give even more. It was a test of her faith. In response to her faith, the Lord took her simple offering, 'an handful of meal in a barrel, and a little oil in a cruse' (1 Kings 17:12) and made it enough for her and her family to thrive on until the famine was over.
There was a time in my life when I was overwhelmed with more than I could handle. I had tried to do everything I could do to find help and answers and had nothing more to give, and yet I was still lacking. I asked for a priesthood blessing and in the blessing I was told that the Lord was not going to take away this trial, but that He was aware of me.
Honestly, my heart sank. I had always relied on priesthood blessings for comfort and had been hoping for that again. Just as with the widow of Zarephath, I had to trust that the Lord had a plan for me.
When we are doing everything we can, but know that we are still falling short, by a long shot, how can we be expected to do more? The simple answer is through the grace of God. He knows our weaknesses. He knows our abilities and limitations.
Orson F. Whitney reminds us, “Our little finite afflictions are but a drop in the ocean, compared with the infinite and unspeakable agony borne by him for our sakes because we were not able to bear it for ourselves” (Tad R. Callister, “The Infinite Atonement”, Deseret Book Publishing, 2000, p128).
However, it is through the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ that we are able to access His grace, his enabling power, his comfort, his help, and His love.
Brad Wilcox shared a story that helped me understand grace a little better. He said:
A BYU student once came to me and asked if we could talk. I said, “Of course. How can I help you?”
She said, “I just don’t get grace.”
I responded, “What is it that you don’t understand?”
She said, “I know I need to do my best and then Jesus does the rest, but I can’t even do my best.”
She then went on to tell me all the things she should be doing…that she wasn’t doing.
She continued, “I know that I have to do my part and then Jesus makes up the difference and fills the gap that stands between my part and perfection. But who fills the gap that stands between where I am now and my part?”
She then went on to tell me all the things that she shouldn’t be doing… but she was doing them anyway.
Finally I said, “Jesus doesn’t make up the difference. Jesus makes all the difference. Grace is not about filling gaps. It is about filling us.”
Seeing that she was still confused, I took a piece of paper and drew two dots—one at the top representing God and one at the bottom representing us. I then said, “Go ahead. Draw the line. How much is our part? How much is Christ’s part?”
She went right to the center of the page and began to draw a line. Then, considering what we had been speaking about, she went to the bottom of the page and drew a line just above the bottom dot.
I said, “Wrong.”
She said, “I knew it was higher. I should have just drawn it, because I knew it.”
I said, “No. The truth is, there is no line. Jesus filled the whole space. He paid our debt in full. He didn’t pay it all except for a few coins. He paid it all. It is finished.”
She said, “Right! Like I don’t have to do anything?”
“Oh no,” I said, “you have plenty to do, but it is not to fill that gap. We will all be resurrected. We will all go back to God’s presence. What is left to be determined by our obedience is what kind of body we plan on being resurrected with and how comfortable we plan to be in God’s presence and how long we plan to stay there.”
Brother Wilcox continued, Christ asks us to show faith in Him, repent, make and keep covenants, receive the Holy Ghost, and endure to the end. By complying, we are not paying the demands of justice—not even the smallest part. Instead, we are showing appreciation for what Jesus Christ did by using it to live a life like His. Justice requires immediate perfection or a punishment when we fall short. Because Jesus took that punishment, He can offer us the chance for ultimate perfection and help us reach that goal. He can forgive what justice never could (Brad Wilcox, "His Grace is Sufficient", BYU Speeches, July 12, 2011).
I want to share what Tad R. Callister taught about what Jesus Christ went through for us.
“The Savior’s sacrifice required inexhaustible stamina in order to bear the consequences of our sins and weather the temptations of the Evil One. But his suffering must have been more than a resigned submissiveness or a fist-clenching ‘taking of the stripes.’…There was a need to rescue and deliver souls from ‘the chains of hell’….
“The Savior’s redemption was a one-man rescue mission to deliver the prisoners of all ages from death and hell, of which Satan was the ever-so-vigilant guard….
“With merciless fury Satan’s forces must have attacked the Savor on all fronts—frantically, diabolically, seeking a vulnerable spot, ,a weakness, an Achilles’ heel through which they might inflict a ‘mortal’ wound, all in hopes they could halt the impending charge, but it was not to beg. The Savior pressed forward in bold assault until every prisoner was freed from the tenacious tentacles of the Evil On….
“[On the cross] the Savior’s ordeal had reached its climax. The storm of guilt, remorse, embarrassment, shame, and hopelessness that accompanies sin pressed with its full weight and fury upon him. His pure and sensitive soul, which had no blemish, no spot, which had never known sin in any degree, at any time, at any place was now facing evil of cataclysmic proportions. The price for evil in infinite measure was accounted for and paid for. All the senses a man has—intellectual, emotional, spiritual, and psychological…—were monopolized by thew effects that follow evil. the last trace of God’s healing light withdrew, to let the unrestrained effects of evil run their full course. No longer could the Father’s Spirit remain in the presence of infinite evil, now being assumed by the very one who embodied infinite goodness. At that point, the Son of Man, acutely alone in the fullest sense of that term, cried out in a moment of ultimate pathos, ‘My God, my God, why has thou forsaken me?’. No one could claim he was spared any consequence of sin. There was no softening of the blow. He descended beneath it all” (Tad R. Callister, “The Infinite Atonement”, Deseret Book Publishing, 2000, p129-130, 143).
Jesus Christ suffered more than we can ever imagine for you,,,and for me, because He loves us.
Now, when you lay in bed at the end of the day take time to reflect of God’s love for you. Rather than wonder if you deserve His sacrifice or His love—and none of us do—take time to ponder what He gave freely because of His love for you. Turn your thoughts from thinking about what you haven’t done and remember what He has done for you, and just celebrate it. Live in the wonder of it.
I testify that He is there. He is always there. He will always be there. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
