When Mother's Day [Father's Day] is Hard

This was written for Mother's Day, but is very applicable for those who struggle with Father's Day as well.

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Mother’s Day is an interesting day. There are those who could stand and speak of their amazing angel mothers and the wonderful support that they’ve had from them throughout their lives. 

I am not one of those.

There are others who can speak of motherhood and the blessing it has been in their life and the tremendous love that they have felt for their children. Because of my upbringing I have struggled a lot with motherhood. It has opened my eyes to how inadequate, weak, and human I really am.

Today I felt that I should speak to those who need the hope and healing that can only come through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, especially today for some.

When we are young we have hopes, ideas, and dreams for the future. Many of those include having a family. But not everyone is blessed with a spouse or children in this life. There are many who’s hearts weep with sorrow at shattered or unfulfilled dreams.

There are others who may lose a spouse to death or through divorce, or lose their children to poor choices or unforeseen tragedies.

Life is not easy and it can hurt a lot.

I grew up with a mother who was very angry and I was terrified of her. I never wanted to be that kind of a mother. But when my children were young I saw that anger show up in myself, and it scared me.

Many times in life it is our trials that draw us closer to the Lord — if we will allow them to. Other times we may allow our trials to push us away from the Lord as we try to find answers on our own. Throughout my life I have seen examples of both. 

I have had times where the heavens have felt silent, where I’ve cried because I had no idea what to do, and where I have asked others for help, and for some reason or another couldn’t be there for me. Even in those times where I could have felt completely abandoned I have never doubted that the Lord was there. I have seen too many examples of His hand in my life.

One of my favorite scriptures is Mosiah 4:9, “Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth”

God our Father is real. He knows of our suffering and He hears our prayers.

I remember one day in particular, when my children were small. I had had a rough night. I think all 3 kids rotated getting up during the night; I would get one down and the other would be up — I guess I should have been grateful that they weren’t all up at the same time — but I didn’t get much sleep. In the morning I was getting breakfast ready and was really grouchy. I felt angry at everything and didn’t want my children to have to suffer from my lack of sleep. I remember standing by the kitchen sink and words from the previous general conference came to my mind. Sister Linda K. Burton had said, “all that is unfair about life can be made right through the atonement of Jesus Christ" (Linda K. Burton, "Is Faith in the Atonement of Jesus Christ Written in Our Hearts?", General Conference, October 2012).

Right then I felt that life was very unfair and that a horrendous weight was on my shoulders. I really wasn’t sure what to do, but I chose to test her words. I told the kids that I needed a minute and dropped to my knees right there on the kitchen floor. I prayed to my Father in Heaven for help. I told Him that I didn’t know how accessing the power of the atonement of Christ worked, but I asked that if it were possible, that through the atonement of Jesus Christ the negative feelings that I felt could be taken away so that my children wouldn’t have to suffer.

And, do you know what?

They vanished. 

Completely. 

I stood up, ready to take on the day.

That experience was a testimony to me of the healing and enabling power that can come through the atonement of Jesus Christ. It is something that I have used many times, and that power has never failed to bring the comfort that I need when I have asked for it.

One of my favorite scripture stories is found in the New Testament. The disciples are on the Sea of Galilee and the Savior is asleep in the boat. A big storm comes. Okay, so these are fishermen who live on the water so they wouldn’t be afraid of just any storm. This was much bigger than they felt they could handle.

In life we will encounter storms. Really big storms. We may feel that Jesus has forgotten about us and is sleeping in the back of the boat. We may feel afraid and unsure of how to move forward.

The disciples chose to wake Jesus,

“And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm” (Mark 4:39).

I remember lying in bed one night listening to a thunderstorm. It was loud. The lightning was flashing and the thunder was booming and I could hear the rain pouring down. I then imagined the Savior on the waters with His disciples and realized that He is someone who had the power to say “peace” and have that storm cease.

That is the power that Jesus Christ has. 

That is the power that is available to us through His atoning sacrifice. That power can heal our hearts. That power can calm our souls. And that power is real.

President Uchtdorf, testified, “There may be some among you who feel darkness encroaching upon you. You may feel burdened by worry, fear, or doubt. To you and to all of us, I repeat a wonderful and certain truth: God’s light is real. It is available to all! It gives life to all things. It has the power to soften the sting of the deepest wound. It can be a healing balm for the loneliness and sickness of our souls. In the furrows of despair, it can plant the seeds of a brighter hope. It can enlighten the deepest valleys of sorrow. It can illuminate the path before us and lead us through the darkest night into the promise of a new dawn” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "The Hope of God’s Light", General Conference, April 2013).

That is the healing power that is available to each of us through the atonement of Jesus Christ. 

In the New Testament we find the story of Jairus. His daughter is sick and dying and he comes to Jesus asking Him to heal her. On the way to Jairus’ house a woman with an issue of blood reaches out, touches the hem of Jesus’ robe, and is healed. In the midst of this miraculous healing Jairus is informed that his daughter has passed away.

Can you imagine the agony of Jairus, watching someone else enjoy what he had been hoping for, and seeing others celebrating while his hopes are dashed to pieces?

I have a nephew who was struggling with a lot of things and ended up committing suicide in 2021. I know where he is now, and I am comforted by that thought, but sometimes I just miss him. 

When dreams are unfulfilled and hearts are broken we can turn to the Savior. It doesn’t make the bad things go away, but we can find peace in Him.

The Savior, true to form, had not forgotten Jairus. He turned to him and said, “Be not afraid, only believe” (Mark 5:36). Sometimes the miracles we pray for won’t come right away. Sometimes they won’t come in this life. But, if we can trust in the Savior we can find the peace we seek.

The trend of the world today is that anything hard, unfair, or even uncomfortable can be seen as an unnatural tragedy. We know, however, that life is a test, and if we did not have the trials how could we grow?

Elder Richard G. Scott enlightened us with this knowledge: “so that the period of mortal testing and growth would yield its greatest benefit, you were taught and prepared for the circumstances you would personally encounter in mortality” (Richard G. Scott, "Truth Restored", General Conference, October 2005).

There is a girl who now lives in Utah named Meg Johnson. When she was younger she was a dancer. In her late teens or early 20s she came out to Utah to visit Saint George with some friends. She was fascinated by all the red rock and leaped from one rock to another until, as she tells the story, “I accidentally jumped off a cliff.” She fell and landed on the ground below — paralyzed from the neck down.

She is one who is blessed with the gift of dreams. In her book, “When Life Gets Hard, Just Keep Rollin’” she relates one dream in particular that has really impressed me. In her dream she knew that she was in the pre-earth life with a man who was wearing all white. He had a white binder and sat down beside her. He explained that during her life she would be paralyzed. She exclaimed, “I am so excited!” She then explained that she didn’t have any idea what being paralyzed would mean, “but” she said, “if that is what it would take for me to become like my Father in Heaven, I would do anything.”

I have not personally dealt with such a tragedy as she has, but others have. However, I have my own personally curated trials and challenges that will help me in my efforts to become more like my Savior and my Heavenly Parents.

But what about those times when we have worked so hard and tried again and again and have been so diligent and kept being obedient despite the obstacles? What happens when we become so worn out and tired and don’t have the strength to keep going on? Sometimes after expending all of our efforts with nothing seeming to work out, we are ready to be done trying.

I’ve been there multiple times.

In the New Testament we read about Jesus teaching a multitude when a man came to him with his son who had been afflicted since he was young. The father explained of the challenges that the family had dealt with:

“[O]fttimes it hath cast him into the fire, and into the waters, to destroy him: but,” he said, “if thou canst do any thing, have compassion on us, and help us” (Mark 9:22).

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland shared, “With no other hope remaining, this father asserts what faith he has and pleads with the Savior of the world, ‘If thou canst do any thing, have compassion on us, and help us.' I can hardly read those words without weeping. The plural pronoun us is obviously used intentionally. This man is saying, in effect, ‘Our whole family is pleading. Our struggle never ceases. We are exhausted. Our son falls into the water. He falls into the fire. He is continually in danger, and we are continually afraid. We don’t know where else to turn. Can you help us? We will be grateful for anything—a partial blessing, a glimmer of hope, some small lifting of the burden carried by this boy’s mother every day of her life.’” (Jeffrey R. Holland, "Lord, I Believe", General Conference, April 2013).

Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth. And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.” (Mark 9:24).

Sometimes when the challenges have gone on for so long and we have lost hope, we have a hard time believing that there might be a light in some distant future where things will work out. In those times we may need to ask for the help to believe.

Joseph Smith taught that, our Father in Heaven is more “boundless in his mercies and blessings, than we are ready to believe or receive” (Joseph Smith, History, 1838–1856, volume D-1 [1 August 1842–1 July 1843]). 

Test out these words and promises and come to know for yourself.

In closing, I want to wish all of you a happy Mother’s Day. For those who have been fortunate enough to have wonderful amazing mothers, be grateful. For those who have the chance in this life to be mothers, be grateful. For those who don’t have either, remember that you have a Father and a Mother in Heaven who both love you dearly and long to have you back home with them again. 

I testify that it is through the prophet Joseph Smith that the plan of our Heavenly Father has been restored to the earth. This plan provided a way through the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ to give us the comfort and help that we will need as we struggle throughout our lives. As we turn to our Savior we can find the strength and capacity to continue on through the difficulties we will face.

I know God lives. I know He loves all of us. He really is there.

Prayer Seen in a Different Light

I had a few thoughts about prayer that I have had on my mind that wanted to share. My sister compiled a book about the blessings our family has seen throughout the years. Many of them were how prayers were answered miraculously. Following is one of those stories.

When I was a teenager I went with my older siblings to my grandparent’s ranch for a few weeks during the summer. They live in an isolated area where the closest neighbor is a half-mile away, and the closest town was 30 minutes away. My uncle lived a mile away.

Somewhere up the canyon a person wrecked their car and started a fire. The firefighters came, put it out and left. No big deal.

Sometime later, perhaps during the night, a strong wind started. Blowing east, it caught some of the still-living coals and restarted the fire.

At noon the next day Grandpa came in for lunch. The range fire (which eventually burned 10,000 acres — a little over 15 square miles) was common knowledge by then. Since the wind was blowing east and causing the fire to spread Grandpa decided to help my uncle attempt to save his haystack. My uncle lived on the opposite side of the highway from where the fire was raging. Grandpa had gone on the tractor and asked Grandma to come in half an hour with a hose.

Around 12:30, my aunt called Grandma wondering if she shouldn’t bring her kids over to the ranch where they would be safer. Grandma wasn’t sure. Only minutes later, the sheriff came and told my aunt to get her kids out of the house. He asked if she had insurance. When she replied "yes", he said good; there was no way they could save her house. They grabbed their shoes and came over.

At Grandma’s house, my aunt tried to stop Grandma from taking the hose to Grandpa. She said there was no way she could make it. Grandma insisted, but we all decided to pray before she left. All of us: Grandma, my aunt, cousins, and siblings, knelt down on the living room floor and said a prayer.

Grandma then left with the hose. The sheriff stopped Grandma a short distance from her driveway. She insisted that she needed to help her husband, but the sheriff said Grandpa already had help. This pacified Grandma.

We found out later that about the same time we said our prayer, the wind turned and started blowing west. The fire had already crossed the road and started burning my Uncle’s property. Then blowing suddenly west, it pushed the fire back onto itself, depriving it of fuel. The fire stopped about 50 yards away from the 40 gallon gas tank which stands near the huge haystack and my cousin’s driveway. 

Another story about prayer comes from a podcast I was listening to. 

A man was speaking at an event in another state and his youngest daughter was having a baby. He asked wife to keep him updated by text. He told the other speakers that he was going to be a grandpa again and they said to keep them updated.

There came a point at which the texts from his wife stopped coming. He asked what was wrong and she didn’t respond. Finally she texted and said the baby was born, was gray, wasn’t breathing, and was posturing (jerking which usually is a sign of brain damage). The medical staff rushed the baby off to the Newborn Intensive Care Unit and his son-in-law ran with them because he wanted to give the baby a blessing. They didn’t even let his daughter see the baby and his wife and daughter had no idea what was happening,

He felt that he needed to pray with all the people at the event. When he ran up to the microphone someone else was speaking and said, ‘Oh! Let’s see what the announcement is.’ 

He grabbed the microphone and said the baby was born but not doing well. He asked the 4,000 women in attendance to pray for him, his daughter and his new grandbaby. 

On the podcast he then said, “It’s the prayers that allow me to know God so that I can trust Him whether or not His will is to bless the baby or to take the baby. That’s what we have to remember when we’re thinking about prayer. We need to shut the door, pray to thy Father who is in secret, don’t use vain repetition, but really, really pray. Vain repetitions aren’t prayers that are repeated because then the sacrament could be called the vain repetition. It’s a matter of do you sincerely mean the words you’re saying even when you pray for the same things over and over again”.

There are miraculous answers to prayers which can bolster our faith. However, we can also overlook that fact that sometimes the little prayers, such as “I feel overwhelmed and need help figuring out what to cook for dinner tonight” can be just as powerful in the moment.

I have heard many stories about prayer, and had my own experiences with the power of prayer, throughout my life. However, another story on this same podcast helped me to see the power of prayer in a different light. One of the host’s friends posted this on Twitter:

“Today is our stake conference. We walked in late because of broadcast problems so I didn’t catch the name of the speaker. She told the story of losing her daughter. She experienced immense grief and anger at God who would allow this. She said she was given a dream about five days after her daughter’s passing.

“She was hanging, white-knuckled over the edge of a cliff with a black void below. She was terrified of falling but her hands were cut and fatigued and she was afraid of losing her grip. In her dream she got the impression to let go. This seemed impossible to her because the void below was so dark. She was terrified but again and again she was impressed to let go and finally she trusted that feeling and released. 

As she was falling she saw of net of light below her. She could tell it was going to give her a soft, safe landing. When she hit the net she felt wrapped in love and warmth. Then she examined the net and what she saw surprised her. She noticed that there were people at the ends of the net and that the weave of it was made from light that streamed from them. This is the part that caught my attention. She was told in the dream the strands of the net were made up of the prayers they had offered on her behalf. She saw people close to her who loved her and they had the brightest and the biggest strands but she also noticed that there were hundreds of people that she didn’t recognize. She was told that the people she didn’t recognize were all the people who had heard what had happened and offered prayers from afar. She closed with the message that no prayer is ever wasted.”

There is power in prayer. What if when we speak we don’t think of it as “just another prayer” but actually helping those who need it. What if our prayers are doing more than we think?

How Agency Affects our Freedoms

Freedom and agency are interesting subjects to talk about when it seems like much of the world is in chaos and commotion about how to define freedom, choice, and rights.

As I have been reading the news, and listening to conversations about what is going on, I often wonder what I can do to better prepare my children for the world they are going to have to face in the future. We have heard many prophecies of the challenges that will surround us in the last days, and I recognize that it is going to be so much worse for them in the future than it is for us today. How can I help them be strong enough to teach their own children while the world is taking a nosedive with regard to the family, home, the value of life, honesty, integrity, forgiveness, and so many other values? How do we keep them on the straight and narrow covenant path?

Elder Francisco Viñas taught something that helped me better understand my role as a parent. 

“The principles that we choose to incorporate into our lives will determine the spirit that we contribute in our relationships with others. When we adopt a principle, its influence radiates from us and can be felt by others.

“Now more than ever, when we see that the family is at the center of attacks from the forces of evil—as in the days of the prophet Mormon, when ‘the power of the evil one was wrought upon all the face of the land’ it is necessary for us as parents to incorporate these principles into our lives in order to radiate their influence and for this influence to be perceived by our children” (Francisco J. Viñas, "Applying the Simple and Plain Gospel Principles in the Family", General Conference, April 2004).

As parents, we need to be the example for our children, not the church, not the schools, not their peers. The Lord has entrusted them specifically and intentionally to us.

I am grateful for parents who radiated faith and trust in the Lord. When I was young, my dad got a job as a liaison for the Welfare and Finance Departments for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. After working there only a few months he was asked to go to Bogotá Colombia to investigate a potential case of embezzling. There was embezzling and the guy was fired. My parents had talked about moving internationally (and had already applied for a job in Mexico) so my dad asked to be considered for this job in Colombia. He got the job and my family moved to what would be 6 years in South America, when I was 7 years old. During this time I saw many examples of the contrasts between the freedoms we have in this country as well as people’s use of agency and the effects it has on others.

Right before Christmas break one year, the U.S. had extradited a couple of drug traffickers to the United States. In return there was a threat of killing 10 Americans for every Colombian extradited; a threat they had been carried out 10 years earlier. Our large, North American family suddenly felt like a target. Our friends, who's parents worked for the government, were transported in armored vehicles until they could get them out of the country. Our family, working for the church, was not so privileged. We rode public transportation like the rest of the country.

Someone who I will never meet in this life, made a choice at some time in their life to get into the drug business, and because of that the lives of my family members, along with countless others, were threatened.

During this time churches were being bombed. I am grateful that we had a small community that we were connected with. Together we choose a different time and a different family’s house to meet at every week for Sacrament Meeting so that we couldn’t be tracked and targeted. The Spirit was also with us during those troubling times. I remember riding the bus home from school one day and seeing a blue van behind us taking pictures. I felt prompted to stay in my seat and not join all the other kids running to the back of the bus to look.

Miraculously our family was able to get out of Bogotá within a week of notifying headquarters; which was between Christmas and New Years, when there is hardly anyone in the Salt Lake office. However, the Lord had prepared a way for us to leave the country, and so it happened.

They found a home for us in Quito, Ecuador, where we lived for 9 months while they looked for a permanent position for my dad. He continued commuting back to Colombia each week for work and he can tell you a whole lot more stories than I can about his bags being stolen at the airport, etc. I prefer to remember the many more stories of the miracles that we saw during that time.

In February of 1989, we were living in Caracas, Venezuela. In response to the government economic reform (causing the price of gas to go from $0.10 a gallon to $0.25 a gallon overnight), the country fell into chaos. It became known as “Caracazo”; a week of riots and protests. Stores were looted, buses were burned, and school was canceled (which we kids loved!). My parents were curious about what was going on and drove to the local mall to see what they could learn for themselves. There was no internet in those days, so sometimes you had to go and find out for yourself. They were told by a police officer to go home; it was a war zone. 

The day before all of this took place, my dad had to fly an hour out of the city to a construction project and back home the same day. He said that when he boarded the plane to come home they were told that the main airport they were going to was closed. However, they ended up taking off and he figured they wouldn’t take off unless they were going to be able to land. Which they did. While he had been gone, my Mom went to get our propane tanks filled. That night my parents felt they should fill up the gas tanks in the car. Some may say this is a coincidence, but I see this as the hand of the Lord in our lives.

Due to my parents’ promptness in listening to the spirit, and also being faithful in keeping and regularly using their food storage, we were spared having to go out during all the chaos. Because of their faithful obedience our family was not affected as so many others were, who were not as prepared. I remember not feeling worried even as I listened to the sound of machine gun fire as I fell asleep at night.

That was over 30 years ago, and sometimes it doesn’t seem like things have changed that much. Especially with the recent pandemic and the lockdowns we had.

Our obedience to the Lord is what will keep us safe and protected. Our agency is what we choose to do to prepare for the hard times that have been prophesied.

Elder Larry R. Lawrence said, 

“We have been battling the hosts of evil in an ongoing war that began in the premortal sphere before we were born.

“Because we had not yet received physical bodies, we fought the War in Heaven without swords, guns, or bombs. But the fighting was just as intense as any modern war, and there were billions of casualties.

“The premortal war was fought with words, ideas, debate, and persuasion. Satan’s strategy was [and is] to frighten people. He knew that fear is the best way to destroy faith” (Larry R. Lawrence, "The War Goes On", Ensign, April 2017).

We have been counseled recently by our prophet to increase our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, in order to withstand the evils of our day. President Henry B. Eyring, of the First Presidency, also warned us, “If the foundation of faith [in Jesus Christ] is not embedded in our hearts, the power to endure will crumble” (Henry B. Eyring, "Mountains to Climb", General Conference, April 2012). 

I came across a quote by Wilford Woodruff that I find fascinating. He warned us, back in the 1800s, of exactly what is happening right now, and what we can do about it:

"We are approaching changes. There are judgments at our door. There are judgments at the door of this nation, and at the door of Great Babylon….[T]he Lord in ancient days swept away great cities when they were ripened in iniquity. Jerusalem was overthrown in fulfillment of the words of the Lord. Jeremiah and Isaiah prophesied what would come to pass, and it was fulfilled to the very letter. So I say to the Gentiles, so I say to the Latter-day Saints. What the Lord has spoken concerning our nation, and concerning the nations of the earth, notwithstanding that the unbelief of the world may be great, notwithstanding that they may reject the word of God and seek to put the servants of God to death—will all be fulfilled. War, pestilence, famine, earthquakes and storms await this generation. These calamities will overtake the world as God lives, and no power can prevent them....Therefore, let us round up our shoulders and bear off the kingdom. Let us labor to obtain the Holy Spirit—and power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ—which has been put into our hands, and inasmuch as we do this, the blessing of God will attend our efforts" (Wilford Woodfruff, JD 21:126-7).

He asked us to “labor to obtain the Holy Spirit” and the [power] therein, just as President Nelson has urged us to “do the spiritual work required to enjoy the gift of the Holy Ghost” and “to study prayerfully all the truths you can find about priesthood power” (see Russell M. Nelson, "Revelation for the Church, Revelation for our Lives", General Conference, April 2018 and "Spiritual Treasures", General Conference, October 2019).

These latter days have been prophesied about for millennia. Over 2000 years ago the apostle Paul  saw our day. Listen as he describes our day:

“[I]n the last days perilous times shall come.

“For men shall be lovers of their own selves [I see this as doing things for our own purposes, sometimes at the expense of others], covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful [something President Nelson felt impressed by the Lord that we needed to work on shortly after the pandemic started], unholy,

“Without natural affection [which may refer to the plague of homosexuality that is so prevalent in the world], trucebreakers, false accusers [don’t we see a lack of honesty and integrity all around us?], incontinent [meaning out of control], fierce [violently hostile or aggressive], despisers of those that are good,

“Traitors, heady [meaning willful or impulsive], highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God” (2 Timothy 3:1-5).

We are living in the last days. There is so much wickedness and corruption around us that sometimes I forget about the good that is out there too.

Recently, as I was driving to the temple, I was thinking about how the wickedness in this world is growing at an absolutely astounding rate. As I thought about it, the spirit reminded me that good will grow in proportion to the bad, just like the parable of the wheat and tares (see Matthew 13:24-30). I was also reminded that there seems to have been a significant increase in the number of temples that President Nelson has announced. I looked it up, and as of April 2022, President Nelson has announced 100 temples in the 4 years since he became the prophet.

How comforting that was to me to be reminded that the Lord is bringing light into the world, just as quickly as the evil is trying to cover it with darkness.

I remember watching a movie with my husband about a group of people who escaped from a concentration camp. After the movie, when I was saying my prayers, I pled with the Lord that my children and I would never have to face such horrific circumstances as that. The answer I received was not what I had expected. The Spirit whispered, “make sure you keep them in the next life”. This life will end, and where we go will be determined by our choices. 

Daniel H. Wells, in the Journal of Discourse, taught:

“The Gospel makes men and women free—free from sin—the greatest of all tyrants; and there is no greater slave on the earth than the man who is under the control of his own passions, and who is subject to the dictation of the spirit of evil which is so prevalent in the world. The acts of all such persons bring their own punishment, and it is swift and certain; while those who are controlled by the principles of the Gospel have a joy and peace, under whatever circumstances in life they may be placed, which the world knows nothing of, and which it can neither give nor take away, for they have an inward consciousness that their course secures to them the confidence of the Lord our God” (Daniel H. Wells, Journal of Discourse 16:125).

It is through the power of the atonement of Jesus Christ that we are able to become free from sin and spiritual destruction. Elder D. Todd Christofferson said,

“It is because of the Atonement of Christ that we can recover from bad choices, and it is because of the Atonement of Christ that the impact on us of others’ sins and mistakes—and every other injustice—is redressed” (D. Todd Christofferson, "Moral Agency", BYU Devotional, January 2006).

How grateful I am for the gospel, and for the knowledge I have of a Heavenly Father who loves me, and who I can talk to. I am grateful for the atonement of Jesus Christ that has allowed me to change, and not be held back by my poor choices. I am grateful for a living prophet on the earth, especially during this perilous, yet marvelous, time that we live in.

I know God lives, and that He has a plan for each of us. I know that as we follow the counsel of our living prophet, to  “Hear Him, repent daily, seek and expect miracles, to do the spiritual work required to hear the voice of the Spirit, and to stretch beyond our current spiritual ability to receive personal revelation, we can be guided and blessed during these trying times in which we live.

Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ

The topic of faith has been on my mind lately, and I started thinking about what it is, how we can develop it, and how we can act in faith. 


What is Faith?
In the scriptures we read that the first principle of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ is, "faith in the Lord Jesus Christ" (Article of Faith 1:4).

Other scriptural definitions of faith include:

“I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen” (Ether 12:6).

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1).

I have also heard of faith being defined as believing in something that we can not see that is true. 

What faith is not is really, really hoping that something will happen, and that through the strength of our will power we can make it happen.

If we substitute the greek translation of substance with “assurance”, and evidence with “proof” in the scripture from Hebrews 11:1, we see that faith is the proof of things which we hope for, that are not seen, with the assurance that they are true (see Hebrews 11:1 footnotes 1b and 1d). The key word I want to point out is "assurance", and that assurance can only come from the Holy Ghost. 

Webster's Thesaurus explains that assurance is "a state of mind in which one is free from doubt" (Merriam-Webster.com: assurance). In my own life I have felt that assurance for brief moments while other times it seems to last longer. We have been counseled to write down spiritual impressions, and it might be because we may sometimes forget the assurance we once felt. Having it written down allows us to go back to it and reaffirm that assurance.


How Do We Develop Our Faith in Jesus Christ?

This brings us to the question of how to develop our faith, and I want to specifically think about faith in Jesus Christ; because that is where the power of faith germinates. As Sheri Dew wrote, “It is our willingness to believe in the Savior…that unleashes His power in our lives” (Sheri L. Dew, “God Wants a Powerful People”, p 178).

However, as with anything else of great worth, there is no shortcut to developing our faith.

Elder Robert D. Hales taught:

"Our society has developed a shortcut mentality. In a day of instant oatmeal, instant messaging, and instant credit, far too many have come to expect instant gratification in everything....The truth is that we cannot receive the greatest blessings Heavenly Father has in store for us without developing the patience and faith to wait....We wait upon the Lord when we walk in faith with a humble expectation that His promises are sure. We also wait upon the Lord when we obey a commandment before completely understanding the rationale behind it....There are no shortcuts to becoming powerful servants of the Lord. We must do it, with the Lord's help, in the practice of prayer and fasting, of scripture study and gospel living" (Robert D. Hales, "Return", p 204-205, 211).

If we look to the story of Nephi, in the Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ, we find many examples of faith. In the first part of the story, while living in Jerusalem, the Lord asks Lehi (Nephi's father) to take his family, leave everything behind except what they will need to survive, and flee into the wilderness (see 1 Nephi 2:2-4). We learn a little later that Nephi may not have been as eager to leave as one might think, especially from the faith-filled stories that fill his record. He shares, "I did cry unto the Lord; and behold he did visit me, and did soften my heart that I did believe all the words which had been spoken by my father; wherefore, I did not rebel against him like unto my brothers" (1 Nephi 2:16, emphasis added). Nephi might have struggled with this decision, but he turned to the Lord for guidance. He had faith in the Lord, and he showed his faith by his action to follow his father -- uncomplainingly -- into the unknown wilderness.

There was a time in my life where things were very hard. There were several challenges that all seemed to come at once, and they seemed to never end. During this time I felt that the Lord was trying to teach me something, but I didn't know exactly what. I was trying to be patient, but it was really hard. I remember opening my scriptures to where I had been reading about the people of King Limhi, who were in bondage to the Lamanites. The verse that struck me at this time in my life is when King Limhi is speaking to his people and says, 

"But if ye will turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, and put your trust in him, and serve him with all diligence of mind, if ye do this, he will, according to his own will and pleasure, deliver you out of bondage" (Mosiah 7:33). 

It was then that I realized that the Lord could deliver me out of the bondage I felt myself in, if I would turn more fully to him and put my trust in him. As I did that, the challenges didn't go away. It still took several years. But looking back now, I see the spiritual growth that I gained from turning to the Lord during those hard times.

We, as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, have been taught of the increased need for faith in these final days before the Second Coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

In 2011, President Russell M. Nelson prophesied of this need when he said, 

"Why do we need such resilient faith? Because difficult days are ahead. Rarely in the future will it be easy or popular to be a faithful Latter-day Saint. Each of us will be tested. The Apostle Paul warned that in the latter days, those who diligently follow the Lord 'shall suffer persecution'" (Russell M. Nelson, "Face the Future With Faith", General Conference, April 2011).

In 2017, Robert D. Hales counseled, "The constellation of characteristics that result from faith in Christ...are all necessary to our standing strong in these last days" (Robert D. Hales, "Becoming a Disciple of Our Lord Jesus Christ, General Conference, April 2017).

In 2018 President Nelson prophesied, "Our Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ, will perform some of His mightiest works between now and when He comes again. We will see miraculous indications that God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, preside over this Church in majesty and glory. But in coming days, it will not be possible to survive spiritually without the guiding, directing, comforting, and constant influence of the Holy Ghost" He then pleads with us to "to increase [our] spiritual capacity to receive revelation" (Russell M. Nelson, "Revelation for the Church. Revelation for our Lives", General Conference, April 2018, emphasis added).

So, how do we increase our capacity to receive revelation? Elder David A. Bednar gives us a clue. "Just as expressing gratitude more often in our prayers enlarges the conduit for revelation, so praying for others with all of the energy of our souls increases our capacity to hear and to heed the voice of the Lord" (David A. Bednar, "Pray Always", General Conference, October 2008, emphasis added). I wonder if this is one of the reasons that the Savior was able to be so close to the spirit. He served others, and prayed for them as well.


Acting in Faith
So, how does one act in faith?

The other morning as I was thinking about faith, this thought came to my mind:

Faith is an assurance, from the Spirit, that something is true, will happen, will turn out okay, or whatever the feeling is. My part is to act on that assurance to allow the Lord to make it happen. With this in mind, it seems that the way we do our part to act on our faith is to look forward to something with hope, and act on that assurance.

There was a time in my life when I found myself needing to find a new apartment, as my roommates were moving out. I had been looking for a while and had found nothing. It was nearing the end of the month when I would need to be out, and I still wasn't sure what to do. About this time I remember driving past a friend's apartment when the impression came to me "you will live there". My friends were moving soon, so I was thrilled at the prospect. Shortly after, I called the landlord, who met me at the apartment. I told him I was interested, and he said, "you are the one I want to have this apartment". It was a perfect fit.

It wasn't until a few weeks later that some of my other friends asked how I was able to get into that apartment. As it turns out, they had been on a waiting list for 6 months!

I have come to learn that acting in faith is a choice, and Elder Neil L. Andersen affirmed. "My dear friends, your faith did not begin at birth, and it will not end at death. Faith is a choice" (Neil L. Andersen, "Faith Is Not By Chance, But By Choice", Ensign, November 2015).

As the Lord tests our faith, however, we might not always have an assurance as we try to move forward in faith. If we read in Ether, Moroni teaches us, "wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith." (Ether 12:6).

Faith isn't merely believing, it requires action. Bishop Richard C. Edgley instructs, 

"Because of the conflicts and challenges we face in today’s world, I wish to suggest a single choice—a choice of peace and protection and a choice that is appropriate for all. That choice is faith. Be aware that faith is not a free gift given without thought, desire, or effort. It does not come as the dew falls from heaven. The Savior said, 'Come unto me' and 'Knock, and it shall be [given] you'. These are action verbs—come, knock. They are choices. So I say, choose faith. Choose faith over doubt, choose faith over fear, choose faith over the unknown and the unseen, and choose faith over pessimism" (Richard C. Edgley, "Faith—the Choice Is Yours", General Conference, October 2010).

I love the thought of faith being like a muscle. Something that we must use in order for it to grow. But, in order to increase our faith, I like the words of Elder Juan Pablo Villar, "If we want to increase our faith, then let’s do things that require faith" (Juan Pablo Villar, "Exercising Our Spiritual Muscles", Ensign, April 2019).

And what do we do when there are setbacks? Life is full of setbacks. We have a choice to become discouraged by them, or trust in the goodness of God and believe that "all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good" (Doctrine & Covenants 122:7).

Elder David A. Bednar taught, 

"In many of the uncertainties and challenges we encounter in our lives, God requires us to do our best, to act and not be acted upon, and to trust in Him. We may not see angels, hear heavenly voices, or receive overwhelming spiritual impressions. We frequently may press forward hoping and praying—but without absolute assurance—that we are acting in accordance with God’s will. But as we honor our covenants and keep the commandments, as we strive ever more consistently to do good and to become better, we can walk with the confidence that God will guide our steps" (David A. Bednar, "The Spirit of Revelation", Ensign, April 2011).

When thinking of ways to act on faith I thought of choosing to believe...

• that there is a God in heaven who knows you and loves you more than you can imagine
• You are a child of Heavenly Parents, of royal birth, with a purpose on this earth. 
• Challenges in this life are for a reason; and can help us become like our Heavenly Parents.
• The Lord has a prophet on the earth (and then act on his words) 

Some of the words from our current prophet, Russell M. Nelson, include:

"My dear brothers and sisters, I promise that as you prayerfully study the Book of Mormon every day, you will make better decisions—every day. I promise that as you ponder what you study, the windows of heaven will open, and you will receive answers to your own questions and direction for your own life. I promise that as you daily immerse yourself in the Book of Mormon, you can be immunized against the evils of the day, even the gripping plague of pornography and other mind-numbing addictions" (Russell M. Nelson, "The Book of Mormon: What Would Your Life Be Like without It?", General Conference, October 2017).

"[In coming days, it will not be possible to survive spiritually without the guiding, directing, comforting, and constant influence of the Holy Ghost.

"My beloved brothers and sisters, I plead with you to increase your spiritual capacity to receive revelation. Let this Easter Sunday be a defining moment in your life. Choose to do the spiritual work required to enjoy the gift of the Holy Ghost and hear the voice of the Spirit more frequently and more clearly" (Russell M. Nelson, " Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives", General Conference, April 2018).

It is our choice. We can choose to act in faith, allow the Spirit to penetrate our hearts, and teach us truth. Or we can choose not to.

Photo Thought: Faith in the Face of Trial

"[I]f now or on some future day, you look around and see that other perhaps less-devoted acquaintances are succeeding in their jobs when you just lost yours; if major illness puts you on your back just at the moment critical tasks of service seem to come calling; if a call to a prominent position goes to someone else…if well-meaning efforts still somehow lead to disaster with a fellow ward member, a neighbor, or an investigator; if news from home brings word of financial setback or mortal tragedy you can do nothing about; or if, day after day, you simply feel like a bland and beaten background player in a gospel drama that really seems made for the happiness of others, just know this: many such things were the lot of Joseph Smith himself at the very moment he was being led to the stage of the single most transcendent thing to happen on this earth since the events of Golgotha and the Garden Tomb nearly 2,000 years earlier.

"'But,' you may say, 'my life and earthly destiny will never be like that of the Prophet Joseph.'

"That probably is true. But it is also true that your lives do matter to God, and your eternal potential and that of every soul you will meet is no less grand and significant than that of the Prophet Joseph himself. Thus, just like our beloved Joseph, you must never give up, give in, or give out when life in general…gets utterly painful, confusing, or dull. Rather, as Paul teaches, you must see that 'all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose'.

“Just as He did with young Joseph Smith, God is shaping and directing you every single day to ends more glorious than you can know!"

(Matthew Holland, "The Path to Palmyra", Ensign, June 2015)

Photo Thought: Faith to Try

How to Keep On Keeping On

There has been a lot going on in my life lately that has left me with a lot of unknowns; many unanswered questions, unknown paths to take, uncertainty about different, and potentially difficult, decisions, and a feeling that change is on the horizon. I’ve been praying, reading my scriptures, trying to do all the right things to receive guidance and direction, but not feeling the answers as readily as I used to. Did I do something to separate myself from heaven, or is this a test to see what I will do with the knowledge and understanding the Lord has given me? How do I continue moving forward when I don’t have a clear direction on the path I need to take?

In this most recent General Conference Elder L. Whiteny Clayton told a story about a little girl who had to face almost insurmountable challenges. I love how he described the process she followed:

"After the crash, Sailor had a choice. She could have chosen to stay by the airplane in the dark, alone and afraid. But there was a long night ahead, and it was just going to get colder. She chose another way. Sailor climbed up a hill, and there she saw a light on the horizon.

"Gradually, as she made her way through the night toward the light, it grew brighter. Still, there must have been times when she could not see it. Perhaps it went out of view when she was in a ravine or behind trees or bushes, but she pressed on. Whenever she could see the light, Sailor had evidence that she was on the right path. She did not yet know precisely what that light was, but she kept walking toward it based on what she knew, trusting and hoping that she would see it again if she kept moving in the right direction” (L. Whitney Clayton, “Choose to Believe”, Ensign, May 2015).

She chose to act, despite her circumstances. 

In my own life I have found that I feel most frustrated, or spiritually stagnated, when I feel helpless or feel that I don’t have any control over a situation. Escaping that mindset can sometimes be difficult to overcome. Each of us has been blessed with the God given gift of agency. We always have a choice. 

While seeking for guidance I found a quote which gave me some direction. It said, “Doctrines and principles are eternal, unchanging gospel truths that provide direction for our lives” (Book of Mormon: Study Guide for Home-Study Seminary Students, p2).

When I read this it gave me hope. I felt that in my struggles, or spiritual stagnation, or feeling no clear direction or guidance I could seek to find—and more fully live—the doctrines and principles of the gospel. By so doing I would be moving in the right direction until I had a solid foothold again. 

In Sunday School today our teacher spoke about having courage; courage to keep moving forward despite obstacles and challenges; courage to live the gospel despite opposition; courage to make good decisions—the consequences and effects of which will follow us throughout our lives. President Monson taught,

"Scarcely an hour of the day goes by but what we are called upon to make choices of one sort or another. Some are trivial, some more far-reaching. Some will make no difference in the eternal scheme of things, and others will make all the difference…

"[W]e all know where we want to go, and it does matter which way we go, for by choosing our path, we choose our destination.

"Decisions are constantly before us. To make them wisely, courage is needed—the courage to say no, the courage to say yes. Decisions do determine destiny.

"I plead with you to make a determination right here, right now, not to deviate from the path which will lead to our goal: eternal life with our Father in Heaven” (Thomas S. Monson, “The Three Rs of Choice”, Ensign, Nov 2010).

Many times in life we will need to make decisions, without specific guidance from the Lord. Why does that happen and how do we proceed? Elder Richard G. Scott said,

"When we explain a problem and a proposed solution [to the Lord in prayer], sometimes He answers yes, sometimes no. Often He withholds an answer, not for lack of concern, but because He loves us—perfectly. He wants us to apply truths He has given us. For us to grow, we need to trust our ability to make correct decisions” (Richard G. Scott, “Learning to Recognize Answers to Prayer”, Ensign, Nov 1989, emphasis added).

Moving forward into the darkness—or the unknown, waiting to catch a glimpse of the light requires faith. President Gordon B. Hinckley taught, "We take one step at a time. In doing so we reach toward the unknown, but faith lights the way. If we will cultivate that faith, we shall never walk in darkness” (Gordon B. Hinckley, “We Walk by Faith”, Ensign, May 2002).

I love the counsel that the Lord gave Joshua, as he is preparing to lead the children of Israel out of the wilderness and into the promised land. "Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest” (Joshua 1:9).

Even during difficult times in life we must always remember that the Lord is ever aware of us. He is watching over us, and those things that we are experiencing "shall be for [our] good” (Doctrine & Covenants 122:7). This life is a test, and at times we may need to walk in darkness. When we feel that way, may we trust that the Lord is ever watchful of us, and that His ever-present hand is in our lives, even if we are unable to see it at times.

Nourished By the Word of God

In the Book of John we read an interchange between the Savior and a woman from Samaria.

“Then cometh he to a city of Samaria, which is called Sychar, near to the parcel of ground that Jacob gave to his son Joseph.

 “Now Jacob’s well was there. Jesus therefore, being wearied with his journey, sat thus on the well: and it was about the sixth hour.

“There cometh a woman of Samaria to draw water: Jesus saith unto her, Give me to drink.

“(For his disciples were gone away unto the city to buy meat.)

“Then saith the woman of Samaria unto him, How is it that thou, being a Jew, askest drink of me, which am a woman of Samaria? for the Jews have no dealings with the Samaritans.

“Jesus answered and said unto her, If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, Give me to drink; thou wouldest have asked of him, and he would have given thee living water.

“The woman saith unto him, Sir, thou hast nothing to draw with, and the well is deep: from whence then hast thou that living water?

“Art thou greater than our father Jacob, which gave us the well, and drank thereof himself, and his children, and his cattle?

“Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again:

“But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life….

“The woman saith unto him, I know that Messias cometh, which is called Christ: when he is come, he will tell us all things.

“Jesus saith unto her, I that speak unto thee am he” (John 4:5-14, 25-26).

As the woman listened to Jesus speak, her understanding of who He was progressed from man, to Jew, to prophet, to the Messiah. As we partake of these living waters we can spiritually progress in like manner.

One way to partake of these living waters is to daily drink from the Lord’s word, found in the Holy Scriptures and the words of the living prophet and apostles. 

Nephi taught us to “feast upon the words of Christ” (2 Nephi 32:3), and Elder Dallin H. Oaks explained,

“The idea that scripture reading can lead to inspiration and revelation opens the door to the truth that a scripture is not limited to what it meant when it was written but may also include what that scripture means to a reader today….

“Because we believe that scripture reading can help us receive revelation, we are encouraged to read the scriptures again and again. By this means, we obtain access to what our Heavenly Father would have us know and do in our personal lives today. That is one reason Latter-day Saints believe in daily scripture study” (link to article).

We have also been counseled to “study the scriptures daily and with real intent, seeking to be ‘nourished by the good word of God’“ (link to lesson).

How does one seek for nourishment from the scriptures? 

Throughout my life I have tried to make scripture study a daily habit. I have not always been successful, but have continued to try to develop that habit until it has become an essential part of my day. There have been times where I have found comfort from the words of the scriptures, and other times I have felt chastised. Let me share a few examples. 

There was a time in my life when I was struggling with money. I was trying to be obedient, and to do all the right things, but I was unable to figure out how to make ends meet. I remember praying to find help. After praying I started to read my scriptures. I had been reading in the Book of Mormon, and opened my scriptures to my bookmark. I read,

“And thus we can behold how false, and also the unsteadiness of the hearts of the children of men; yea, we can see that the Lord in his great infinite goodness doth bless and prosper those who put their trust in him” (Helaman 12:1).

I almost felt chastised for my frustration because I had forgotten to trust the Lord. I felt that the Lord was letting me know that if I trusted in Him that everything would work out. I don’t remember all the details, but I do remember that everything did work out. 

Another time I was struggling with something that I knew I was supposed to be doing, but wasn’t sure how to make everything work. I prayed to receive guidance, and turned to my scriptures. I opened to the story of Lehi telling Nephi that he and his brothers needed to head back to Jerusalem to pick up the brass plates. Nephi responded,

“I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them” (1 Nephi 3:7).

The thing that I was asking about was something we have been commanded to do, so I knew that it was right. I felt the Lord was letting me know that He would prepare a way. Elder David A. Bednar taught,

“In many of the uncertainties and challenges we encounter in our lives, God requires us to do our best, to act and not be acted upon, and to trust in Him” (link to talk).

I acted, by praying for further guidance with the intent to move forward on whatever answer I received. As I prayed, ideas and thoughts of things that I could do came to mind. As I acted on them, I saw the way open before me. 

During another time of my life I was struggling with my calling in the church. I was having a problem with people not wanting to do all that was required of them, thereby leaving the burden on others. I was wondering if there was anything I could do or say. I opened my scriptures and read,

“wherefore I would exhort you that ye deny not the power of God; for he worketh by power, according to the faith of the children of men, the same today and tomorrow, and forever” (Moroni 10:7).

They were under my stewardship, and I felt that the Lord was telling me to let them know that they needed to put their faith in Him. If they did, He would work miracles for them in their lives.

The last example I want to share happened when I was trying to find a balance between doing something that was spiritually essential—finding time to read scriptures—and those things that I needed to do—take care of my young family. A scripture came to my mind, “Suffer [the] little children, and forbid them not” (Matthew 19:14). I then had a specific idea of something that I could do to balance my time.

What a blessing to have personal guidance from the scriptures in our lives!

Bishop Dean M. Davies taught,

“Searching the scriptures on a daily basis will…fortify our faith and character. Just as we need food to nourish our physical bodies, our spirits and souls will be replenished and strengthened by feasting upon the words of Christ as contained in the writings of the prophets. Nephi taught, ‘Feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do’.

“While reading the scriptures is good, reading by itself is insufficient to capture the full breadth and depth of the Savior’s teachings. Searching, pondering, and applying the words of Christ as taught in the scriptures will bring wisdom and knowledge beyond our mortal understanding. This will strengthen our commitment and provide the spiritual reserves to do our best in all situations” (link to talk).

President Thomas S. Monson stated,

“The words of truth and inspiration found in our four standard works are prized possessions to me. I never tire of reading them. I am lifted spiritually whenever I search the scriptures. These holy words of truth and love give guidance to my life and point the way to eternal perfection.

“As we read and ponder the scriptures, we will experience the sweet whisperings of the Spirit to our souls. We can find answers to our questions. We learn of the blessings which come through keeping God’s commandments. We gain a sure testimony of our Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ, and of Their love for us. When scripture study is combined with our prayers, we can of a certainty know that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true” (link to talk).

President Gordon B. Hinckley declared,

“I urge our people everywhere to read the scriptures more—to study all of them together….

“May the Lord bless each of us to feast upon his holy word and to draw from it that strength, that peace, that knowledge ‘which passeth all understanding’, as he has promised” (link to talk).

As we come to value the scriptures that we have we will begin to recognize the fountain of living water that is readily available to each and every one of us. Understanding the power the comes from daily feasting on the word of God will give us greater strength to enjoy, overcome, and endure the challenges and trials that are a part of our mortal life. May we strive to make the study of the word of God an essential part of our lives.