When Mother's Day [Father's Day] is Hard

This was written for Mother's Day, but is very applicable for those who struggle with Father's Day as well.

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Mother’s Day is an interesting day. There are those who could stand and speak of their amazing angel mothers and the wonderful support that they’ve had from them throughout their lives. 

I am not one of those.

There are others who can speak of motherhood and the blessing it has been in their life and the tremendous love that they have felt for their children. Because of my upbringing I have struggled a lot with motherhood. It has opened my eyes to how inadequate, weak, and human I really am.

Today I felt that I should speak to those who need the hope and healing that can only come through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, especially today for some.

When we are young we have hopes, ideas, and dreams for the future. Many of those include having a family. But not everyone is blessed with a spouse or children in this life. There are many who’s hearts weep with sorrow at shattered or unfulfilled dreams.

There are others who may lose a spouse to death or through divorce, or lose their children to poor choices or unforeseen tragedies.

Life is not easy and it can hurt a lot.

I grew up with a mother who was very angry and I was terrified of her. I never wanted to be that kind of a mother. But when my children were young I saw that anger show up in myself, and it scared me.

Many times in life it is our trials that draw us closer to the Lord — if we will allow them to. Other times we may allow our trials to push us away from the Lord as we try to find answers on our own. Throughout my life I have seen examples of both. 

I have had times where the heavens have felt silent, where I’ve cried because I had no idea what to do, and where I have asked others for help, and for some reason or another couldn’t be there for me. Even in those times where I could have felt completely abandoned I have never doubted that the Lord was there. I have seen too many examples of His hand in my life.

One of my favorite scriptures is Mosiah 4:9, “Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth”

God our Father is real. He knows of our suffering and He hears our prayers.

I remember one day in particular, when my children were small. I had had a rough night. I think all 3 kids rotated getting up during the night; I would get one down and the other would be up — I guess I should have been grateful that they weren’t all up at the same time — but I didn’t get much sleep. In the morning I was getting breakfast ready and was really grouchy. I felt angry at everything and didn’t want my children to have to suffer from my lack of sleep. I remember standing by the kitchen sink and words from the previous general conference came to my mind. Sister Linda K. Burton had said, “all that is unfair about life can be made right through the atonement of Jesus Christ" (Linda K. Burton, "Is Faith in the Atonement of Jesus Christ Written in Our Hearts?", General Conference, October 2012).

Right then I felt that life was very unfair and that a horrendous weight was on my shoulders. I really wasn’t sure what to do, but I chose to test her words. I told the kids that I needed a minute and dropped to my knees right there on the kitchen floor. I prayed to my Father in Heaven for help. I told Him that I didn’t know how accessing the power of the atonement of Christ worked, but I asked that if it were possible, that through the atonement of Jesus Christ the negative feelings that I felt could be taken away so that my children wouldn’t have to suffer.

And, do you know what?

They vanished. 

Completely. 

I stood up, ready to take on the day.

That experience was a testimony to me of the healing and enabling power that can come through the atonement of Jesus Christ. It is something that I have used many times, and that power has never failed to bring the comfort that I need when I have asked for it.

One of my favorite scripture stories is found in the New Testament. The disciples are on the Sea of Galilee and the Savior is asleep in the boat. A big storm comes. Okay, so these are fishermen who live on the water so they wouldn’t be afraid of just any storm. This was much bigger than they felt they could handle.

In life we will encounter storms. Really big storms. We may feel that Jesus has forgotten about us and is sleeping in the back of the boat. We may feel afraid and unsure of how to move forward.

The disciples chose to wake Jesus,

“And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm” (Mark 4:39).

I remember lying in bed one night listening to a thunderstorm. It was loud. The lightning was flashing and the thunder was booming and I could hear the rain pouring down. I then imagined the Savior on the waters with His disciples and realized that He is someone who had the power to say “peace” and have that storm cease.

That is the power that Jesus Christ has. 

That is the power that is available to us through His atoning sacrifice. That power can heal our hearts. That power can calm our souls. And that power is real.

President Uchtdorf, testified, “There may be some among you who feel darkness encroaching upon you. You may feel burdened by worry, fear, or doubt. To you and to all of us, I repeat a wonderful and certain truth: God’s light is real. It is available to all! It gives life to all things. It has the power to soften the sting of the deepest wound. It can be a healing balm for the loneliness and sickness of our souls. In the furrows of despair, it can plant the seeds of a brighter hope. It can enlighten the deepest valleys of sorrow. It can illuminate the path before us and lead us through the darkest night into the promise of a new dawn” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "The Hope of God’s Light", General Conference, April 2013).

That is the healing power that is available to each of us through the atonement of Jesus Christ. 

In the New Testament we find the story of Jairus. His daughter is sick and dying and he comes to Jesus asking Him to heal her. On the way to Jairus’ house a woman with an issue of blood reaches out, touches the hem of Jesus’ robe, and is healed. In the midst of this miraculous healing Jairus is informed that his daughter has passed away.

Can you imagine the agony of Jairus, watching someone else enjoy what he had been hoping for, and seeing others celebrating while his hopes are dashed to pieces?

I have a nephew who was struggling with a lot of things and ended up committing suicide in 2021. I know where he is now, and I am comforted by that thought, but sometimes I just miss him. 

When dreams are unfulfilled and hearts are broken we can turn to the Savior. It doesn’t make the bad things go away, but we can find peace in Him.

The Savior, true to form, had not forgotten Jairus. He turned to him and said, “Be not afraid, only believe” (Mark 5:36). Sometimes the miracles we pray for won’t come right away. Sometimes they won’t come in this life. But, if we can trust in the Savior we can find the peace we seek.

The trend of the world today is that anything hard, unfair, or even uncomfortable can be seen as an unnatural tragedy. We know, however, that life is a test, and if we did not have the trials how could we grow?

Elder Richard G. Scott enlightened us with this knowledge: “so that the period of mortal testing and growth would yield its greatest benefit, you were taught and prepared for the circumstances you would personally encounter in mortality” (Richard G. Scott, "Truth Restored", General Conference, October 2005).

There is a girl who now lives in Utah named Meg Johnson. When she was younger she was a dancer. In her late teens or early 20s she came out to Utah to visit Saint George with some friends. She was fascinated by all the red rock and leaped from one rock to another until, as she tells the story, “I accidentally jumped off a cliff.” She fell and landed on the ground below — paralyzed from the neck down.

She is one who is blessed with the gift of dreams. In her book, “When Life Gets Hard, Just Keep Rollin’” she relates one dream in particular that has really impressed me. In her dream she knew that she was in the pre-earth life with a man who was wearing all white. He had a white binder and sat down beside her. He explained that during her life she would be paralyzed. She exclaimed, “I am so excited!” She then explained that she didn’t have any idea what being paralyzed would mean, “but” she said, “if that is what it would take for me to become like my Father in Heaven, I would do anything.”

I have not personally dealt with such a tragedy as she has, but others have. However, I have my own personally curated trials and challenges that will help me in my efforts to become more like my Savior and my Heavenly Parents.

But what about those times when we have worked so hard and tried again and again and have been so diligent and kept being obedient despite the obstacles? What happens when we become so worn out and tired and don’t have the strength to keep going on? Sometimes after expending all of our efforts with nothing seeming to work out, we are ready to be done trying.

I’ve been there multiple times.

In the New Testament we read about Jesus teaching a multitude when a man came to him with his son who had been afflicted since he was young. The father explained of the challenges that the family had dealt with:

“[O]fttimes it hath cast him into the fire, and into the waters, to destroy him: but,” he said, “if thou canst do any thing, have compassion on us, and help us” (Mark 9:22).

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland shared, “With no other hope remaining, this father asserts what faith he has and pleads with the Savior of the world, ‘If thou canst do any thing, have compassion on us, and help us.' I can hardly read those words without weeping. The plural pronoun us is obviously used intentionally. This man is saying, in effect, ‘Our whole family is pleading. Our struggle never ceases. We are exhausted. Our son falls into the water. He falls into the fire. He is continually in danger, and we are continually afraid. We don’t know where else to turn. Can you help us? We will be grateful for anything—a partial blessing, a glimmer of hope, some small lifting of the burden carried by this boy’s mother every day of her life.’” (Jeffrey R. Holland, "Lord, I Believe", General Conference, April 2013).

Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth. And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.” (Mark 9:24).

Sometimes when the challenges have gone on for so long and we have lost hope, we have a hard time believing that there might be a light in some distant future where things will work out. In those times we may need to ask for the help to believe.

Joseph Smith taught that, our Father in Heaven is more “boundless in his mercies and blessings, than we are ready to believe or receive” (Joseph Smith, History, 1838–1856, volume D-1 [1 August 1842–1 July 1843]). 

Test out these words and promises and come to know for yourself.

In closing, I want to wish all of you a happy Mother’s Day. For those who have been fortunate enough to have wonderful amazing mothers, be grateful. For those who have the chance in this life to be mothers, be grateful. For those who don’t have either, remember that you have a Father and a Mother in Heaven who both love you dearly and long to have you back home with them again. 

I testify that it is through the prophet Joseph Smith that the plan of our Heavenly Father has been restored to the earth. This plan provided a way through the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ to give us the comfort and help that we will need as we struggle throughout our lives. As we turn to our Savior we can find the strength and capacity to continue on through the difficulties we will face.

I know God lives. I know He loves all of us. He really is there.

Prayer Seen in a Different Light

I had a few thoughts about prayer that I have had on my mind that wanted to share. My sister compiled a book about the blessings our family has seen throughout the years. Many of them were how prayers were answered miraculously. Following is one of those stories.

When I was a teenager I went with my older siblings to my grandparent’s ranch for a few weeks during the summer. They live in an isolated area where the closest neighbor is a half-mile away, and the closest town was 30 minutes away. My uncle lived a mile away.

Somewhere up the canyon a person wrecked their car and started a fire. The firefighters came, put it out and left. No big deal.

Sometime later, perhaps during the night, a strong wind started. Blowing east, it caught some of the still-living coals and restarted the fire.

At noon the next day Grandpa came in for lunch. The range fire (which eventually burned 10,000 acres — a little over 15 square miles) was common knowledge by then. Since the wind was blowing east and causing the fire to spread Grandpa decided to help my uncle attempt to save his haystack. My uncle lived on the opposite side of the highway from where the fire was raging. Grandpa had gone on the tractor and asked Grandma to come in half an hour with a hose.

Around 12:30, my aunt called Grandma wondering if she shouldn’t bring her kids over to the ranch where they would be safer. Grandma wasn’t sure. Only minutes later, the sheriff came and told my aunt to get her kids out of the house. He asked if she had insurance. When she replied "yes", he said good; there was no way they could save her house. They grabbed their shoes and came over.

At Grandma’s house, my aunt tried to stop Grandma from taking the hose to Grandpa. She said there was no way she could make it. Grandma insisted, but we all decided to pray before she left. All of us: Grandma, my aunt, cousins, and siblings, knelt down on the living room floor and said a prayer.

Grandma then left with the hose. The sheriff stopped Grandma a short distance from her driveway. She insisted that she needed to help her husband, but the sheriff said Grandpa already had help. This pacified Grandma.

We found out later that about the same time we said our prayer, the wind turned and started blowing west. The fire had already crossed the road and started burning my Uncle’s property. Then blowing suddenly west, it pushed the fire back onto itself, depriving it of fuel. The fire stopped about 50 yards away from the 40 gallon gas tank which stands near the huge haystack and my cousin’s driveway. 

Another story about prayer comes from a podcast I was listening to. 

A man was speaking at an event in another state and his youngest daughter was having a baby. He asked wife to keep him updated by text. He told the other speakers that he was going to be a grandpa again and they said to keep them updated.

There came a point at which the texts from his wife stopped coming. He asked what was wrong and she didn’t respond. Finally she texted and said the baby was born, was gray, wasn’t breathing, and was posturing (jerking which usually is a sign of brain damage). The medical staff rushed the baby off to the Newborn Intensive Care Unit and his son-in-law ran with them because he wanted to give the baby a blessing. They didn’t even let his daughter see the baby and his wife and daughter had no idea what was happening,

He felt that he needed to pray with all the people at the event. When he ran up to the microphone someone else was speaking and said, ‘Oh! Let’s see what the announcement is.’ 

He grabbed the microphone and said the baby was born but not doing well. He asked the 4,000 women in attendance to pray for him, his daughter and his new grandbaby. 

On the podcast he then said, “It’s the prayers that allow me to know God so that I can trust Him whether or not His will is to bless the baby or to take the baby. That’s what we have to remember when we’re thinking about prayer. We need to shut the door, pray to thy Father who is in secret, don’t use vain repetition, but really, really pray. Vain repetitions aren’t prayers that are repeated because then the sacrament could be called the vain repetition. It’s a matter of do you sincerely mean the words you’re saying even when you pray for the same things over and over again”.

There are miraculous answers to prayers which can bolster our faith. However, we can also overlook that fact that sometimes the little prayers, such as “I feel overwhelmed and need help figuring out what to cook for dinner tonight” can be just as powerful in the moment.

I have heard many stories about prayer, and had my own experiences with the power of prayer, throughout my life. However, another story on this same podcast helped me to see the power of prayer in a different light. One of the host’s friends posted this on Twitter:

“Today is our stake conference. We walked in late because of broadcast problems so I didn’t catch the name of the speaker. She told the story of losing her daughter. She experienced immense grief and anger at God who would allow this. She said she was given a dream about five days after her daughter’s passing.

“She was hanging, white-knuckled over the edge of a cliff with a black void below. She was terrified of falling but her hands were cut and fatigued and she was afraid of losing her grip. In her dream she got the impression to let go. This seemed impossible to her because the void below was so dark. She was terrified but again and again she was impressed to let go and finally she trusted that feeling and released. 

As she was falling she saw of net of light below her. She could tell it was going to give her a soft, safe landing. When she hit the net she felt wrapped in love and warmth. Then she examined the net and what she saw surprised her. She noticed that there were people at the ends of the net and that the weave of it was made from light that streamed from them. This is the part that caught my attention. She was told in the dream the strands of the net were made up of the prayers they had offered on her behalf. She saw people close to her who loved her and they had the brightest and the biggest strands but she also noticed that there were hundreds of people that she didn’t recognize. She was told that the people she didn’t recognize were all the people who had heard what had happened and offered prayers from afar. She closed with the message that no prayer is ever wasted.”

There is power in prayer. What if when we speak we don’t think of it as “just another prayer” but actually helping those who need it. What if our prayers are doing more than we think?

How Agency Affects our Freedoms

Freedom and agency are interesting subjects to talk about when it seems like much of the world is in chaos and commotion about how to define freedom, choice, and rights.

As I have been reading the news, and listening to conversations about what is going on, I often wonder what I can do to better prepare my children for the world they are going to have to face in the future. We have heard many prophecies of the challenges that will surround us in the last days, and I recognize that it is going to be so much worse for them in the future than it is for us today. How can I help them be strong enough to teach their own children while the world is taking a nosedive with regard to the family, home, the value of life, honesty, integrity, forgiveness, and so many other values? How do we keep them on the straight and narrow covenant path?

Elder Francisco Viñas taught something that helped me better understand my role as a parent. 

“The principles that we choose to incorporate into our lives will determine the spirit that we contribute in our relationships with others. When we adopt a principle, its influence radiates from us and can be felt by others.

“Now more than ever, when we see that the family is at the center of attacks from the forces of evil—as in the days of the prophet Mormon, when ‘the power of the evil one was wrought upon all the face of the land’ it is necessary for us as parents to incorporate these principles into our lives in order to radiate their influence and for this influence to be perceived by our children” (Francisco J. Viñas, "Applying the Simple and Plain Gospel Principles in the Family", General Conference, April 2004).

As parents, we need to be the example for our children, not the church, not the schools, not their peers. The Lord has entrusted them specifically and intentionally to us.

I am grateful for parents who radiated faith and trust in the Lord. When I was young, my dad got a job as a liaison for the Welfare and Finance Departments for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. After working there only a few months he was asked to go to Bogotá Colombia to investigate a potential case of embezzling. There was embezzling and the guy was fired. My parents had talked about moving internationally (and had already applied for a job in Mexico) so my dad asked to be considered for this job in Colombia. He got the job and my family moved to what would be 6 years in South America, when I was 7 years old. During this time I saw many examples of the contrasts between the freedoms we have in this country as well as people’s use of agency and the effects it has on others.

Right before Christmas break one year, the U.S. had extradited a couple of drug traffickers to the United States. In return there was a threat of killing 10 Americans for every Colombian extradited; a threat they had been carried out 10 years earlier. Our large, North American family suddenly felt like a target. Our friends, who's parents worked for the government, were transported in armored vehicles until they could get them out of the country. Our family, working for the church, was not so privileged. We rode public transportation like the rest of the country.

Someone who I will never meet in this life, made a choice at some time in their life to get into the drug business, and because of that the lives of my family members, along with countless others, were threatened.

During this time churches were being bombed. I am grateful that we had a small community that we were connected with. Together we choose a different time and a different family’s house to meet at every week for Sacrament Meeting so that we couldn’t be tracked and targeted. The Spirit was also with us during those troubling times. I remember riding the bus home from school one day and seeing a blue van behind us taking pictures. I felt prompted to stay in my seat and not join all the other kids running to the back of the bus to look.

Miraculously our family was able to get out of Bogotá within a week of notifying headquarters; which was between Christmas and New Years, when there is hardly anyone in the Salt Lake office. However, the Lord had prepared a way for us to leave the country, and so it happened.

They found a home for us in Quito, Ecuador, where we lived for 9 months while they looked for a permanent position for my dad. He continued commuting back to Colombia each week for work and he can tell you a whole lot more stories than I can about his bags being stolen at the airport, etc. I prefer to remember the many more stories of the miracles that we saw during that time.

In February of 1989, we were living in Caracas, Venezuela. In response to the government economic reform (causing the price of gas to go from $0.10 a gallon to $0.25 a gallon overnight), the country fell into chaos. It became known as “Caracazo”; a week of riots and protests. Stores were looted, buses were burned, and school was canceled (which we kids loved!). My parents were curious about what was going on and drove to the local mall to see what they could learn for themselves. There was no internet in those days, so sometimes you had to go and find out for yourself. They were told by a police officer to go home; it was a war zone. 

The day before all of this took place, my dad had to fly an hour out of the city to a construction project and back home the same day. He said that when he boarded the plane to come home they were told that the main airport they were going to was closed. However, they ended up taking off and he figured they wouldn’t take off unless they were going to be able to land. Which they did. While he had been gone, my Mom went to get our propane tanks filled. That night my parents felt they should fill up the gas tanks in the car. Some may say this is a coincidence, but I see this as the hand of the Lord in our lives.

Due to my parents’ promptness in listening to the spirit, and also being faithful in keeping and regularly using their food storage, we were spared having to go out during all the chaos. Because of their faithful obedience our family was not affected as so many others were, who were not as prepared. I remember not feeling worried even as I listened to the sound of machine gun fire as I fell asleep at night.

That was over 30 years ago, and sometimes it doesn’t seem like things have changed that much. Especially with the recent pandemic and the lockdowns we had.

Our obedience to the Lord is what will keep us safe and protected. Our agency is what we choose to do to prepare for the hard times that have been prophesied.

Elder Larry R. Lawrence said, 

“We have been battling the hosts of evil in an ongoing war that began in the premortal sphere before we were born.

“Because we had not yet received physical bodies, we fought the War in Heaven without swords, guns, or bombs. But the fighting was just as intense as any modern war, and there were billions of casualties.

“The premortal war was fought with words, ideas, debate, and persuasion. Satan’s strategy was [and is] to frighten people. He knew that fear is the best way to destroy faith” (Larry R. Lawrence, "The War Goes On", Ensign, April 2017).

We have been counseled recently by our prophet to increase our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, in order to withstand the evils of our day. President Henry B. Eyring, of the First Presidency, also warned us, “If the foundation of faith [in Jesus Christ] is not embedded in our hearts, the power to endure will crumble” (Henry B. Eyring, "Mountains to Climb", General Conference, April 2012). 

I came across a quote by Wilford Woodruff that I find fascinating. He warned us, back in the 1800s, of exactly what is happening right now, and what we can do about it:

"We are approaching changes. There are judgments at our door. There are judgments at the door of this nation, and at the door of Great Babylon….[T]he Lord in ancient days swept away great cities when they were ripened in iniquity. Jerusalem was overthrown in fulfillment of the words of the Lord. Jeremiah and Isaiah prophesied what would come to pass, and it was fulfilled to the very letter. So I say to the Gentiles, so I say to the Latter-day Saints. What the Lord has spoken concerning our nation, and concerning the nations of the earth, notwithstanding that the unbelief of the world may be great, notwithstanding that they may reject the word of God and seek to put the servants of God to death—will all be fulfilled. War, pestilence, famine, earthquakes and storms await this generation. These calamities will overtake the world as God lives, and no power can prevent them....Therefore, let us round up our shoulders and bear off the kingdom. Let us labor to obtain the Holy Spirit—and power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ—which has been put into our hands, and inasmuch as we do this, the blessing of God will attend our efforts" (Wilford Woodfruff, JD 21:126-7).

He asked us to “labor to obtain the Holy Spirit” and the [power] therein, just as President Nelson has urged us to “do the spiritual work required to enjoy the gift of the Holy Ghost” and “to study prayerfully all the truths you can find about priesthood power” (see Russell M. Nelson, "Revelation for the Church, Revelation for our Lives", General Conference, April 2018 and "Spiritual Treasures", General Conference, October 2019).

These latter days have been prophesied about for millennia. Over 2000 years ago the apostle Paul  saw our day. Listen as he describes our day:

“[I]n the last days perilous times shall come.

“For men shall be lovers of their own selves [I see this as doing things for our own purposes, sometimes at the expense of others], covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful [something President Nelson felt impressed by the Lord that we needed to work on shortly after the pandemic started], unholy,

“Without natural affection [which may refer to the plague of homosexuality that is so prevalent in the world], trucebreakers, false accusers [don’t we see a lack of honesty and integrity all around us?], incontinent [meaning out of control], fierce [violently hostile or aggressive], despisers of those that are good,

“Traitors, heady [meaning willful or impulsive], highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God” (2 Timothy 3:1-5).

We are living in the last days. There is so much wickedness and corruption around us that sometimes I forget about the good that is out there too.

Recently, as I was driving to the temple, I was thinking about how the wickedness in this world is growing at an absolutely astounding rate. As I thought about it, the spirit reminded me that good will grow in proportion to the bad, just like the parable of the wheat and tares (see Matthew 13:24-30). I was also reminded that there seems to have been a significant increase in the number of temples that President Nelson has announced. I looked it up, and as of April 2022, President Nelson has announced 100 temples in the 4 years since he became the prophet.

How comforting that was to me to be reminded that the Lord is bringing light into the world, just as quickly as the evil is trying to cover it with darkness.

I remember watching a movie with my husband about a group of people who escaped from a concentration camp. After the movie, when I was saying my prayers, I pled with the Lord that my children and I would never have to face such horrific circumstances as that. The answer I received was not what I had expected. The Spirit whispered, “make sure you keep them in the next life”. This life will end, and where we go will be determined by our choices. 

Daniel H. Wells, in the Journal of Discourse, taught:

“The Gospel makes men and women free—free from sin—the greatest of all tyrants; and there is no greater slave on the earth than the man who is under the control of his own passions, and who is subject to the dictation of the spirit of evil which is so prevalent in the world. The acts of all such persons bring their own punishment, and it is swift and certain; while those who are controlled by the principles of the Gospel have a joy and peace, under whatever circumstances in life they may be placed, which the world knows nothing of, and which it can neither give nor take away, for they have an inward consciousness that their course secures to them the confidence of the Lord our God” (Daniel H. Wells, Journal of Discourse 16:125).

It is through the power of the atonement of Jesus Christ that we are able to become free from sin and spiritual destruction. Elder D. Todd Christofferson said,

“It is because of the Atonement of Christ that we can recover from bad choices, and it is because of the Atonement of Christ that the impact on us of others’ sins and mistakes—and every other injustice—is redressed” (D. Todd Christofferson, "Moral Agency", BYU Devotional, January 2006).

How grateful I am for the gospel, and for the knowledge I have of a Heavenly Father who loves me, and who I can talk to. I am grateful for the atonement of Jesus Christ that has allowed me to change, and not be held back by my poor choices. I am grateful for a living prophet on the earth, especially during this perilous, yet marvelous, time that we live in.

I know God lives, and that He has a plan for each of us. I know that as we follow the counsel of our living prophet, to  “Hear Him, repent daily, seek and expect miracles, to do the spiritual work required to hear the voice of the Spirit, and to stretch beyond our current spiritual ability to receive personal revelation, we can be guided and blessed during these trying times in which we live.

Agency & Obedience

Recently I was reading headline after headline about schools declining, the economy declining, the government declining, the food supply declining, and on and on and on. It was a bit depressing, so I decided to turn to the Church News to find something more up-lifting. Sister Bonnie Cordon shared an experience about how she “Hears Him”, and it reminded me that I need to remember that God is in charge. Not the government. Not the media. God, Himself is in charge, and in the Doctrine and Covenants, we read: 

“The works, and the designs, and the purposes of God cannot be frustrated, neither can they come to naught” (Doctrine & Covenants 3:1).

ETERNAL TRUTHS

Elder Dale G. Renlund in this past general conference talked about some of the truths that are found in the new Young Women’s theme (see Dale G. Renlund, “Your Divine Nature and Eternal Destiny”, General Conference, April 2022).

1. You are a beloved daughter. Nothing you do—or do not do—can change that. God loves you because you are His spirit daughter.

2. We have heavenly parents, a father and a mother.

3. We have "a divine nature." This is intrinsic to who we are. It is spiritually "genetic," inherited from our heavenly parents, and requires no effort on our part.

4. We have an "eternal destiny."

Out of all of those truths, there is only one that we can control. Our eternal destiny. 

One of the blessings of this life is that we have been given the gift of moral agency — the right to make our own choices. Moral agency doesn’t simply mean that we can make whatever choice we want and have things go how we want them to. It doesn’t work that way. Moral agency is based on eternal law. For example, someone jumping out of a plane and “choosing” to ignore gravity is the same as breaking an eternal law and trying to avoid the punishment.

MORAL AGENCY

Before we came to this world we were given moral agency. This gift of agency is central to our purpose here on earth. It is so important that there was a war in heaven fought to protect and preserve it. It is so important to our Father in Heaven that He allowed one third part of His spirit children to walk away from eternal progress because they chose to.

In the scriptures we read:

“Wherefore, because that Satan rebelled against me, and sought to destroy the agency of man, which I, the Lord God, had given him, and also, that I should give unto him mine own power; by the power of mine Only Begotten, I caused that he should be cast down;

“And he became Satan, yea, even the devil, the father of all lies, to deceive and to blind men, and to lead them captive at his will, even as many as would not hearken unto my voice” (Moses 4:3-4).

In his BYU Devotional address, Elder D. Todd Christofferson taught, “When we use the term moral agency…we are appropriately emphasizing the accountability that is an essential part of the divine gift of agency. We are moral beings and agents unto ourselves, free to choose but also responsible for our choices” (D. Todd Christofferson, “Moral Agency”, BYU Devotional, 31 Jan 2006).

OUR FALLEN WORLD

We live in a fallen world, and the natural state of man seems to be chaos, rather than order, and a steady decline rather than spontaneous growth. For example, if you don’t clean your house it doesn’t stay beautiful, tidy, and dust-free. If you don’t prepare your soil or plant any seeds you won’t get the desired produce. If you don’t exercise regularly, or sleep well, or eat healthy, it affects how your body and your spirit feel.

Decline is the natural way of things, and a challenge that we will all have to face throughout our lives. I was talking to my aging mother the other day and she said, “you know, life doesn’t get easier when you get older. Having your body age is hard, and how you age depends on the choices you made long ago to take care of it.”

In his book “Jesus the Christ”, James E. Talmage wrote, 

“The Eternal Father well understood the diverse natures and varied capacities of His spirit-offspring; and His infinite foreknowledge made plain to Him, even in the beginning, that in the school of life some of His children would succeed and others would fail; some would be faithful, others false; some would choose the good, others the evil; some would seek the way of life while others would elect to follow the road to destruction. He further foresaw that death would enter the world, and that the possession of bodies by His children would be of but brief individual duration. He saw that His commandments would be disobeyed and His law violated; and that men, shut out from His presence and left to themselves, would sink rather than rise, would retrogress rather than advance, and would be lost to the heavens” (James E. Talmage, “Jesus the Christ”, p16).

Thus the need for a Redeemer, for which I am truly grateful.

LAWS AND COMMANDMENTS

How does that tie to moral agency? Because we, as mortals, are inclined to decline, the Lord gave us commandments and laws to guide us, so that we could pull ourselves as far away from this world as we could.

“There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated—

“And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated” (Doctrine & Covenants 130:20-21).

Irrevocably means unchangeably or irreversibly; in a way that can’t be taken back. And decreed means it is officially ordered by a recognized authority (Merriam-Webster Dictionary app).

There are eternal laws that cannot be changed, and if we want to be blessed we need to follow them. But, to truly have agency there must be consequences attached to those laws, otherwise it wouldn’t matter what we chose. Here are a few quotes about eternal laws and how they work:

“All blessings that were ordained for man by the Council of Heaven were on conditions of obedience to the law thereof” (Joseph Smith, “Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Joseph Smith” (2007), 164).

“[The] covenant path is the way we come unto Christ and is based on absolute truth and eternal, unchanging law. We cannot create our own path and expect God’s promised outcomes. To expect His blessings while not following the eternal laws upon which they are predicated is misguided, like thinking we can touch a hot stove and ‘decide’ not to be burned” (Dale G. Renlund, “Your Divine Nature and Eternal Destiny”, General Conference, April 2022).

“Commandments are no more restrictive to the spiritual man than street signs are to the motorists. Neither prohibits our progress; to the contrary, they enhance it by serving as guideposts or directional signs to help us find and reach our destination” (Tad R. Callister, “The Infinite Atonement”, p258).

“If you really want a certain blessing, you’d better find out what the laws are that govern that blessing and then work on becoming obedient to those laws.” (Russell M. Nelson, “The Mission and Ministry of the Savior: A Discussion with Elder Russell M. Nelson,” Ensign, June 2005).

SATAN’S PLAN

Timothy Ballard, in his book, “The American Covenant”, asks an interesting question.

“During the pre-mortal existence, Satan proposed a ‘plan of salvation’ for God’s children that would take away agency and replace it with forced obedience. Satan was so adamantly against any opposing plan that included agency, that when his own plan was rejected, he responded by waging a war in heaven, which he would ultimately lose. The relevant question in all this is Why would Satan work so hard just to deny us our agency?” (Timothy Ballard, The American Covenant: One Nation Under God, vol 1, p5).

It has only been recently that I have started to understood more about Satan’s plan. It wasn’t that Satan was just proposing a plan, he was trying to unravel the entire fabric of the Plan that our Heavenly Father had set up. I found a talk by Elder Christofferson that gave me a much greater understanding, and greater insight, into the adversary's motives and purposes. 

“[Referring to the Council in Heaven] This was not simply a case of Jesus supporting the Father’s plan and Lucifer proposing a slight modification. Lucifer’s proposal would have destroyed the plan by eliminating our opportunity to act independently. Lucifer’s plan was founded on coercion, making all the other sons and daughters of God—all of us—essentially his puppets. … 

“By contrast, doing things the Father’s way offers us an essential mortal experience. By ‘mortal experience’ I mean choosing our course, ‘[tasting] the bitter, that [we might] know to prize the good’; learning, repenting, and growing; becoming beings capable of acting for ourselves rather than simply being ‘acted upon’; and ultimately overcoming evil and demonstrating our desire and ability to live a celestial law. This requires a knowledge of good and evil on our part, with the capacity and opportunity to choose between the two. And it requires accountability for choices made—otherwise they are not really choices. Choice, in turn, requires law, or predictable outcomes. We must be able by a particular action or choice to cause a particular outcome or result—and by the opposite choice create the opposite outcome. If actions don’t have fixed consequences, then one has no control over outcomes and choice is meaningless. … 

“And let us remember, Satan was not volunteering to be our savior. He was not interested in suffering or dying for anyone. He wasn’t going to shed any of his blood. He wanted the glory, honor, and power of God without paying any price. What he failed to understand or to believe is that one cannot possess the power of God without being the embodiment of justice. Lucifer was seeking for power without goodness. He supposed that he could be a law unto himself, meaning that the law would be whatever he said it was at any given moment and that he could change his mind at any time. In that way, no one could count on anything, and no one would have the ability to be an independent actor. He would be supreme, and no one else could advance” (D. Todd Christofferson, “A Message at Christmas”, BYU Devotional, 12 Dec 2017).

As we become more and more obedient to the eternal laws, we can gain more and more power over those laws.

OBEDIENCE

In his book “The Infinite Atonement”, Tad R. Callister says, “Contrary to the belief of many, obedience is not the antithesis of freedom, but the foundation of it” (Tad R. Callister, "The Infinite Atonement", p258). He discusses how obedience to eternal laws can unlock the doors of knowledge, broaden our list of choices, and help us gain more power in this life.

For the past several years President Nelson has been giving us counsel about how to remember our Savior, so that we can keep the Spirit more readily in our lives. As we are obedient to his counsel we can receive the blessings he has promised us.

• Hear Him ("Hear Him", General Conference, April 2020).

• "As President of His Church, I plead with you who have distanced yourselves from the Church and with you who have not yet really sought to know that the Savior’s Church has been restored. Do the spiritual work to find out for yourselves, and please do it now. Time is running out" ("Come, Follow Me", General Conference, April 2019).

• "We hope and pray that each member’s home will become a true sanctuary of faith, where the Spirit of the Lord may dwell. Despite contention all around us, one’s home can become a heavenly place, where study, prayer, and faith can be merged with love. We can truly become disciples of the Lord, standing up and speaking up for Him wherever we are" ("Closing Remarks", General Conference, April 2019).

• "We have never needed positive spiritual momentum more than we do now, to counteract the speed with which evil and the darker signs of the times are intensifying. Positive spiritual momentum will keep us moving forward amid the fear and uncertainty created by pandemics, tsunamis, volcanic eruptions, and armed hostilities. Spiritual momentum can help us withstand the relentless, wicked attacks of the adversary and thwart his efforts to erode our personal spiritual foundation" ("The Power of Spiritual Momentum", General Conference, April 2022).

• "Keep on the covenant path and stay there"; "Discover the joy of daily repentance"; "Learn about God and how He works"; "Seek and expect miracles"; "End conflict in your personal life" ("The Power of Spiritual Momentum", General Conference, April 2022).

• "I invite you to pray to identify the debris you should remove from your life so you can become more worthy [to help prepare the world for the Second Coming of the Lord]" ("Welcome Message", General Conference, April 2021).

• "I entreat you to study prayerfully all the truths you can find about priesthood power"("Spiritual Treasures", General Conference, October 2019).

• "One of the things the Spirit has repeatedly impressed upon my mind since my new calling as President of the Church is how willing the Lord is to reveal His mind and will. The privilege of receiving revelation is one of the greatest gifts of God to His children" (Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives", General Conference, April 2018).

• "I urge you to stretch beyond your current spiritual ability to receive personal revelation, for the Lord has promised that 'if thou shalt [seek], thou shalt receive revelation upon revelation, knowledge upon knowledge, that thou mayest know the mysteries and peaceable things—that which bringeth joy, that which bringeth life eternal'" (Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives", General Conference, April 2018).

Our Heavenly Father loves us and wants to guide us back to Him, but can only do so as we are obedient to Him. There are eternal laws that He is bound by, and our obedience allows Him the freedom to bless us.

Jesus will come again, and as we are obedient to His laws and commandments we can better have His spirit to be with us, to help us overcome this mortal world we live in.

I want to conclude with words from Elder Renlund’s talk:

“I invite you to center your life on Jesus Christ and remember the foundational truths in the Young Women theme. If you are willing, the Holy Ghost will guide you. Our Heavenly Father wants you to become His heir and receive all that He has. He cannot offer you more. He cannot promise you more. He loves you more than you know and wants you to be happy in this life and in the life to come” (Dale G. Renlund, “Your Divine Nature and Eternal Destiny”, General Conference, April 2022).

Ministering

The topic of ministering is a little difficult for me. But I actually want to start with about our premortal existence. 

Before we came to earth our Father in Heaven had a plan set up for us. His plan would allow us to come down to earth and choose whether or not we would follow Him. From the beginning we knew that Jesus Christ was chosen to be our Savior. In the Grand Council in heaven, Lucifer, a son of the morning, proposed another way. 

Elder D. Todd Christofferson explained, 

“This was not simply a case of Jesus supporting the Father’s plan and Lucifer proposing a slight modification. Lucifer’s proposal would have destroyed the plan by eliminating our opportunity to act independently” (D. Todd Christofferson, "A Message at Christmas", BYU Devotional, Dec 2017).

Agency is one of the most critical pieces of our Father’s plan. Our Father allowed 1/3 part of his children to follow Satan because they chose to. 

Agency is that important. 

Now on earth, we also have agency to choose what we will do and who we will follow.

Recently the method of our ministering assignments has been changed. We are not really accountable to anyone anymore. We can choose for ourselves if we will do it, and also when and how we will do it. There are guidelines, but the choice is ours.

On the Church’s website it describes what I think is the ideal when it comes to ministering.

“We naturally minister to our families, those we love, and others around us. In wards, we also receive assignments as ministering brothers or ministering sisters to care for ward members in an organized way. We ensure that all are cared for and no one is forgotten” https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics/ministering?lang=eng).

In a perfect world that might be true. However, as many of you might know, or might have experienced, sometimes people are forgotten.

We know that the natural man is an enemy to God, and sometimes we don’t want to do what He asks. Sometimes it is really hard. At the beginning of this post I said this was a hard topic for me, because I feel like one of those who, sometimes, has been forgotten. 

Looking back in my life I really don’t remember a time where someone touched my heart because they were assigned to minister to me.

However, I can remember numerous times when the spirit has guided me to do things to help others. This has caused me to think more about the purpose of ministering. Why is it something that we have been asked to do? Sometimes it can be really inconvenient, uncomfortable, or even awkward, and we know that the Lord “doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world” (2 Nephi 26:24). So there must be a deeper purpose, but what is it?

My thoughts brought me back to agency, and the council in heaven. 

Elder D. Todd Christofferson taught, 

 

“Choice…requires law, or predictable outcomes. We must be able by a particular action or choice to cause a particular outcome or result—and by the opposite choice create the opposite outcome. If actions don’t have fixed consequences, then no one has control over outcomes and choice is meaningless”(D. Todd Christofferson, "A Message at Christmas", BYU Devotional, Dec 2017).

Agency is vital to our probationary time on earth. Satan’s plan wasn’t, as some might suppose, a plan to force everyone to be righteous. His rebellion was far more sinister.

Elder Bruce R. McConkie explained, 

“[Satan’s plan] offered a mortal life of carnality and sensuality, of evil and crime and murder, following which all men would be saved…Lucifer and his [followers] sought salvation without keeping the commandments” (Millennial Messiah p. 667).

Satan’s plan proposed that everyone could do whatever they wanted and everyone would receive the same reward, no matter what they did. That is how he “sought to destroy the agency of man” (Moses 4:3). It would make choice meaningless.

The Lord knows that the adversary will never progress from the current state he is in, and that he is absolutely miserable. He doesn’t want us to live in that same miserable state so he gives us commandments to help stretch us so that we can progress.

James E. Talmage gives us a little insight into this. He said, 

“The Eternal Father well understood the diverse natures and varied capacities of His spirit-offspring; and His infinite foreknowledge made plain to Him, even in the beginning, that in the school of life some of His children would succeed and others would fail; some would be faithful, others false; some would choose the good, others the evil; some would seek the way of life while others would elect to follow the road to destruction….He saw that His commandments would be disobeyed and His law violated; and that men, shut out from His presence and left to themselves, would sink rather than rise, would retrograde rather than advance, and would be lost to the heavens” (James E. Talmage, “Jesus the Christ”, p16).

As mortal men and women, if we are left on our own, we will stop progressing. I know that my life would be horribly miserable if I could never change from who I used to be. The Lord gives us challenges to stretch us. He asks more of us than we sometimes think is possible because it gives us something to aim for. Something closer to becoming like Him.

The Lord understands what we are going through. He has been in our shoes. He understands when we’re overwhelmed, when we don’t feel like we can handle one more thing, and he also knows when we are trying.

That is why we have been given a gift. The Atonement of Jesus Christ. Its power allows us to change. Elder Lynn G. Robbins taught, 

“Repentance is God’s ever-accessible gift that allows and enables us to go from failure to failure without any loss of enthusiasm. Repentance isn’t His backup plan in the event we might fail. Repentance is His plan, knowing that we will” (Lynn G. Robbins, "Until Seventy Times Seven", General Conference, April 2018).

We will fail in this life. But to succeed we must be willing to try again. We need to reach for something higher and something better. 

Ministering can be seen as a greater law than visiting or home teaching. It is a way to stretch ourselves, through our own actions and efforts, to become more like our Savior.

The Lord allows us to use our own minds, experiences, gifts, talents, abilities, and our agency to choose what we will do. We are each unique, and ministering should not look the same for everyone. 

In the Doctrine and Covenants we read:

“Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness; for the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in no wise lose their reward” (Doctrine & Covenants 58:27-28).

The Lord gave each of us unique gifts and challenges, but in the end, the Lord really wants our heart — our pure intent. If we are trying to “do good” but don’t get half of the “to dos” off of our checklist the Lord understands, and He loves our effort.

I believe that the Lord would rather we do one thing with real intent (even if that means leaving the rest for later), than doing a thousand things with half-hearted effort.

Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ we can try again and again in our efforts to improve. As President Nelson said in this last conference, “faith is the power that enables the unlikely to accomplish the impossible” (Russell M. Nelson, "Christ Is Risen; Faith in Him Will Move Mountains", April 2021 General Conference). We are some of the most unlikely creatures, but with God nothing is impossible. We can have faith that the Atonement of Jesus Christ has the power to change us, the power to heal, the power to give us the strength to do those things beyond our natural capacities.

However, we need to choose to use our agency to act. Under the Gospel Topics about ministering it says, “Through prayer and inspiration, we will be blessed to know how to minister as the Savior did”. And, as President Nelson has exhorted us recently we can, “Choose to do the spiritual work required to enjoy the gift of the Holy Ghost and hear the voice of the Spirit more frequently and more clearly” (Russell M. Nelson, "Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives", General Conference, April 2018).

What might this look like when it comes to ministering? I think that ministering doesn’t mean just reaching out to our ‘assigned people’. It requires a change of heart. Opening our heart to “Hear Him” will bring specific revelation and inspiration. It may look differently than what we might have imagined.

I remember talking to a neighbor once who said “I am assigned to visit [a person that I knew] but I keep feeling that I need to stay away”. Knowing the circumstances that surrounded this person I told them, “Thank you so much for listening to the Spirit”. I knew that them visiting out of obligation would further compound the problem this person was dealing with.

Another time, my daughter and I were out walking when she said “Mom, we should go visit the lady who’s cat got into our yard”. I agreed (somewhat grudgingly because I was tired, I didn’t know her very well, and I wasn’t really sure what to say). We got to the door and when I asked how she was doing she told me that her son had been in an accident the previous weekend. She just needed someone to talk to, and I didn’t really need to say anything. I wasn’t assigned to her, but the spirit led my daughter to know that she needed someone to stop by.

Another example of "unusual" ministering happened in a ward that I lived in several years ago. I had a sister that I was assigned to and I didn’t know her. From her neighbors I had heard that she was scary and could be very mean and angry. I was a little scared and wasn’t sure how to approach her. I prayed about it and felt that I should send her a card. I did, explaining why I was reaching out, and gave her my cell number if she ever needed anything. She texted me back, and we texted for over a year, without ever meeting in person. We were able to build a relationship where her heart (and mine) were changed because I was acting on what the spirit directed me to do, rather than just checking her off my to-do list.

As we follow the admonition of our prophet to “Hear Him” (Russell M. Nelson, "Hear Him", General Conference, April 2020), our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and listen to the Spirit, we can come to know Him better. We can know His plan for us, and how we can grow in our efforts to become more like Him.

I love the quote by Joseph Smith that says, “Our Heavenly Father is more liberal in his views, and boundless in his mercies and blessings, than we are ready to believe or receive”.  (Joseph Smith, History, 1838–1856, volume D-1 [1 August 1842–1 July 1843]).

Our Father in Heaven really does love us. He really knows our needs as well as our capacities. He wants to help us, and is giving us opportunities to become more like Him, and is waiting anxiously for us to turn to Him.