The
world in which we live is full of goodness and vice—and whatever we are looking
for we are sure to find. The media, books, and internet, among other things,
are full of a plethora of information; as well as a lot of completely useless stuff.
How do we keep our homes clean and pure so that we, and our children, can find the
beauty in this life, and also a refuge from the onslaught of the world?
We
can install filters on our internet devices, put blocks on different things,
but we can’t ignore the problem. It isn’t as simple as just staying home and
avoiding everything bad. We need to teach our children, because the adversary
is trying every means to find his way into our homes. President Boyd K. Packer
said,
“We live in a very dangerous world that threatens those things
that are most spiritual. The family, the
fundamental organization in time and eternity, is under attack from forces seen
and unseen. The adversary is about. His objective is to cause injury. If he can
weaken and destroy the family, he will have succeeded.
“Latter-day Saints recognize the transcendent importance of the
family and strive to live in such a way that the adversary cannot steal into
our homes. We find safety and security for ourselves and our children in
honoring the covenants we have made and living up to the ordinary acts of
obedience required of the followers of Christ” (link to talk).
From
the Book of Mormon we can look at the words that Helaman taught his sons,
“And now, my
sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is
Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil
shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when
all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power
over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the
rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon
if men build they cannot fall” (Helaman 5:12).
The
only way to find safety in this life is by building upon the rock of Christ. In
the book of Matthew we read about the parable of the wise man and the foolish
man. The wise man built his house upon the rock, and the foolish man built his
on the sand. If we read closely, the wise man is one who “heareth these sayings of [the Savior], and doeth them” (Matthew 7:24, emphasis added). If we look back a few
verses we realize that the sayings He is referring to are the words He taught on
the Sermon on the Mount. As we hear and do the words of the Lord, we will be
fortified against the challenges that we will face in this life. David S. Baxter taught,
“The truth is that our only safety, our only security, our only
hope is to hold fast to that which is good. As the mists of darkness gather
around us, we are only lost if we choose to let go of the iron rod, which is
the word of God.
"The Savior’s
parable of the wise man who built his house upon a rock…illustrates that life’s
challenges befell the wise man too. The rains fell, the winds blew, the floods
rose up. Yet he survived it all because he had built upon a sure foundation
and, crucially, he stayed there when the storm came” (link to talk).
Building
our homes on the rock of Christ takes time, and it isn’t something that will
just happen automatically. In the parable of the sower we read about the
interpretation of the seeds that fell on good ground.
“But that on
the good ground are they, which in an honest and good heart, having heard the
word, keep it, and bring forth fruit with patience” (Luke 8:15).
It
is the day-to-day efforts of saying family and personal prayers, reading
scriptures together as a family and individually, and holding weekly Family
Home Evening that can build the foundation of faith and security for our
families. Creating a home where children are loved and trusted can help foster
spiritual growth.
As parents
we have been counseled by the Lord to teach our children “to
understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living
God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the
hands” (Doctrine & Covenants 68:25) and this, by the time they are eight
years old, or their sins will be upon our heads. President Benson reminded us,
“Those in the Book of Mormon who were taught nothing concerning
the Lord but only concerning worldly knowledge became a cunning and a wicked
people.
“All truths are not of the same value. The savings truths of
salvation are of greatest worth. These truths [were] taught plainly, frequently,
and fervently. Are we doing likewise?...
“Repetition is a key to learning. Our children need to hear the
truth repeated, especially because there is so much falsehood abroad” (Ezra
Taft Benson, A Witness and A Warning, p68-69).
The
home is the ideal setting to teach our children. In the scriptures we read of
the importance of home and family in the eyes of the Lord. In the Doctrine
& Covenants, however, the Lord chastises several brethren because of their
neglect in matters of the home.
“You have not taught your children light and truth, according to
the commandments; and that wicked one hath power, as yet, over you, and this is
the cause of your affliction.
“And now a commandment I
give unto you—if you will be delivered you shall set in order your own house,…
“in some things he hath not kept the commandments concerning his
children; therefore, first set in order
thy house….
“set in order his family, and see that they are more diligent and concerned at home,
(Doctrine & Covenants 93:42-44, 50, emphasis added).
How
are we doing at setting our homes in order?
I
remember when my oldest child was small I would go on a lot of outings – to the
zoo, museums, aquarium, etc – and ended up spending a lot of time away from
home. Through the years I have learned that staying at home more, and focusing
on my children while there, has brought much more peace and order into my own
life, and in our home. Elder Dallin H. Oaks reminds us,
“In choosing how
we spend time as a family, we should be careful not to exhaust our available time
on things that are merely good and leave little time for that which is better
or best. A friend took his young family on a series of summer vacation trips,
including visits to memorable historic sites. At the end of the summer he asked
his teenage son which of these good summer activities he enjoyed most. The
father learned from the reply, and so did those he told of it. ‘The thing I
liked best this summer,’ the boy replied, ‘was the night you and I laid on the
lawn and looked at the stars and talked.’ Super family activities may be good
for children, but they are not always better than one-on-one time with a loving
parent.
“The amount of children-and-parent time absorbed in the good
activities of private lessons, team sports, and other school and club activities
also needs to be carefully regulated. Otherwise, children will be
overscheduled, and parents will be frazzled and frustrated. Parents should act
to preserve time for family prayer, family scripture study, family home
evening, and the other precious togetherness and individual one-on-one time
that binds a family together and fixes children’s values on things of eternal
worth. Parents should teach gospel priorities through what they do with their
children” (link to talk, emphasis added).
As
we express our understanding of the gospel, and our testimonies to our children,
we will be allowing the Holy Ghost the opportunity to teach them. When asked
how he was able to keep order with so many people, the Prophet Joseph Smith
replied, “I teach them correct principles, and
they govern themselves” (link to article). The same can happen in our homes.
President Benson said it a little bit differently,
“The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the
outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the
slums out of people, and then they take themselves out of the slums. The world
would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then
change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can
change human nature” (Ezra Taft Benson, A Witness and A Warning, p64).
In our
homes we, as parents, need to be the example. We need to show our children the
way to live, and our commitment to the Savior, through our actions. President Benson continued,
“[M]en captained by Christ will be consumed in Christ….
“Their will is swallowed up in his will. They do always those
things that please the Lord. Not only would they die for the Lord, but more
important they want to live for Him.
“Enter their homes, and the pictures on their walls, the books
on their shelves, the music in the air, their words and acts reveal them as
Christians. They stand as witnesses of God at all time, and in all things, and
in all places. They have Christ on their minds, as they look unto Him in every
thought. They have Christ in their hearts as their affections are placed on Him
forever” (Ezra Taft Benson, A Witness and A Warning, p64-65).
I think that as a parent one of my greatest
concerns is not wanting my children to make mistakes and have to go through the
pain and suffering that this life brings. I want them to do the right thing
because it will save them a lot of heartache in the end. What I sometimes
forget is that the way I learned was through the mistakes I made, and
dealing with the consequences of my choices. It seems that it would be so much easier if we could
just make our children obey us, but that would be against the law of
agency—choosing for ourselves. I love the example that Richard Eyre gives about
agency; this case is specifically about financial responsibility, but the principle can apply
to any aspect of learning–whether temporal or spiritual.
“Be prepared for the predictable fact that your
children will make some bad purchase decisions for a while. Minimize this by
helping children make lists of what they need. But don’t make the decisions for
them or force them to buy one thing and not buy another.
“We have a
daughter whose first purchase after she turned eight was a pair of $75 jeans. I
tried to steer her toward less expensive pants and warned her that it was
nearly all the money she had, but stopped short of telling her that she’d be
sorry or saying ‘I’m afraid you’re not old enough for this system.’
“She bought them and enjoyed wearing
them for a couple of days and then started wishing she had money to buy some
other things she needed.
“The question parents need to ask themselves is Do
I want my children making mistakes and learning from them when they’re eight
years old and the consequences are minor—or when they’re eighteen years old and
the consequences could kill them? People really do only learn to be responsible
when they have responsibility” (Linda and Richard Eyre, 3 Steps to a Strong
Family, p115-116).
How
many of us would want to allow our child to make the above mistake? I wouldn’t,
but I would want my child to learn the lesson that their daughter learned. As
we learn to allow our children to make mistakes, to act for themselves, they
will learn for themselves.
Elder David A. Bednar gave counsel on using the scriptures to learn about the
use of agency in the home. He said,
“I would invite you to look for examples of
righteous parenting in the scriptures. There’s one illustration…about Heavenly
Father dealing with Adam in the Garden of Eden.
“Now the question that the Father posed to Adam is,
after he’s partaken of the fruit, ‘Adam where art thou?’—and Adam is hiding.
Now, doesn’t the Father know where Adam is? Of course he does! So, why ask the
question if He already knows where he is? What do most parents do? ‘Adam! Get out
from underneath that tree!’...you give him a lecture. Watch what the Father
did. ‘Adam? What are you doing?’ He’s treating Adam as an agent, not as an
object. He invites Adam to act. What does He do? He poses a question. Adam
begins to respond and as He asks additional questions Adam comes to realize
what he had done. The Father didn’t ask Adam because the Father didn’t know
where he was. The Father asked Adam because Adam didn’t know where he was. And
instead of telling him He helps Adam learn” (David A. Bednar, Increase in
Learning, chapter 1, video clip #11).
As
we are looking at our own homes we could consider stopping to ask
ourselves how we are doing in the teaching of our children. Are we allowing
them to learn the why, or are we
telling them the what? Are we being diligent in teaching the gospel in our homes? Are we focusing our time and efforts on our
families?
In
Matthew we read, “For where your treasure is,
there will your heart be also” (Matthew 6:21). Is the time that we spend with our family a treasure or a burden? Elder
Tad R. Callister asks it this way,
“We might all ask
ourselves: do our children receive our best spiritual, intellectual, and
creative efforts, or do they receive our leftover time and talents, after we
have given our all to our Church calling or professional pursuits?” (link to talk).
President
Boyd K. Packer reminds us, that “The ultimate end
of all activity in the Church is that a man and his wife and their children can
be happy at home” (link to talk). Are we allowing other things to have a higher priority than the Lord, and our family? Elder
Gary E. Stevenson gives us several questions that we can ask to help us each do
a personal inventory of our own homes.
“Wherever
your home may be and whatever its configuration, the application of eternal
gospel principles within its walls is universal. Let’s begin. Imagine that you
are opening your front door and walking inside your home. What do you see, and
how do you feel? Is it a place of love, peace, and refuge from the world, as is
the temple? Is it clean and orderly? As you walk through the rooms of your
home, do you see uplifting images which include appropriate pictures of the
temple and the Savior? Is your bedroom or sleeping area a place for personal
prayer? Is your gathering area or kitchen a place where food is prepared and
enjoyed together, allowing uplifting conversation and family time? Are
scriptures found in a room where the family can study, pray, and learn
together? Can you find your personal gospel study space? Does the music you
hear or the entertainment you see, online or otherwise, offend the Spirit? Is
the conversation uplifting and without contention? That concludes our tour.
Perhaps you, as I, found a few spots that need some ‘home improvement’—hopefully
not an ‘extreme home makeover.’
“Whether
our living space is large or small, humble or extravagant, there is a place for
each of these gospel priorities in each of our homes.
“In order to keep the temple and those who attend it sacred and
worthy, the Lord has established standards through His servants, the prophets.
We may be well-advised to consider together, in family council, standards for
our homes to keep them sacred and to allow them to be a ‘house of the Lord.’”
(link to talk).
As
we focus on being diligent and concerned at home, our homes will naturally
become places where our families want to be. President Benson taught some ways
we can do this.
“Rearing happy, peaceful children is no easy challenge in today’s
world, but it can be done….
“Above all else, children need to know and feel they are loved,
wanted, and appreciated. They need to be assured of that often….
“Children
need to know who they are in the eternal sense of their identity. They need to
know that they have an eternal Heavenly Father on whom they can rely, to whom
they can pray, and from whom they can receive guidance. They need to know
whence they came so that their lives will have meaning and purpose.
“Children must be taught to pray, to rely on the Lord for
guidance, and to express appreciation for the blessings that are theirs….
“Children must be taught right from wrong. They can and must
learn the commandments of God….
“Children
must be taught to work at home. They should learn there that honest labor
develops dignity and self-respect. They should learn the pleasure of work, of
doing a job well.
“The leisure time of children must be constructively directed to
wholesome, positive pursuits. Too much time viewing television can be
destructive, and pornography in this medium should not be tolerated….
“Families must spend more time together in work and recreation.
Family home evenings should be scheduled once a week as a time for recreation,
work projects, skits, songs around the piano, games, special refreshments, and
family prayers. Like iron links in a chain, this practice will bind a family together,
in love, pride, tradition, strength, and loyalty” (link to talk).
As
we live the gospel in our homes, our homes can become a place of love and
acceptance. Elaine S. Dalton expressed it this way,
“There are so many loud voices in the world and so
many pressures and so much negative feedback. Our children are constantly being
told that they are not enough. They are not good enough, or smart enough, or
think enough, or rich enough. When they walk through the doors of our homes,
they must feel that they are enough. They must feel peace. Our homes must not
be places of additional stress and pressure. They must be havens where each of
our children can be valued and loved for just being themselves. As mothers, our
role is to love and lead our children. In the words of Sheri Dew, ‘If we don’t
show them there is joy in living this way, where else can they possibly expect
to see it!’” (Elaine S. Dalton, A Return to Virtue, p102).
Let us work at fulfilling our role as parents in
teaching our children in the “nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Enos 1:1).
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